Today I burned some old journals with my brother. As part of a declaration of transformation I am ridding myself of old burdens and starting anew. New tattoo, new journal, new state, new job, new adventure.
I'm leaving for Colorado tonight, with a layover in Chicago in which I will catch up with an old friend from my college days, then on to Glenwood Springs. Melissa is picking me up from the station in Colorado and we're going to soak in the hot springs before heading back down to Avon.
New year.
http://youtu.be/QHjgcE4YYsQ
I miss my K'naan music! He's a poet for the people.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
strip away the layers and reveal your soul
Today I woke up feeling defeated. Every night since coming back home I have had strong emotional nightmares. Sometimes they are about being trapped somewhere I used to be, sometimes they are about a person I used to be friends with, other times I am awakened in the middle of the night with a paralyzing fear and worry, but cannot remember the nature of the dreams. Last night at around midnight my solar plexis area began to cramp up so badly it felt like I was being stabbed, and I could not sleep. It was painful to breathe and move much, but when I got up to walk around the pain seemed to subside. I drank a glass of milk, at something, and went back to sit in bed. Eventually I was able to sleep again. I woke up feeling tired both physically and mentally.
No matter how much I rest I am still exausted. I don't know if it is the grey winter weather or something more serious. I seem to go through this every time I come back to Ohio.
Not long after waking up I watched a video of a friend singing a song. It was a very beautiful and funny performance. After watching the video, however, I felt an overwhelming self-hatred toward myself for not being equally as beautiful, talented, and performance-oriented. Thankfully, my friend Mo came to the rescue with a link to her ridiculous youtube animated series, Roc and Mo. It cheered me up pretty quick, her sense of humor is subtle but insane. Here is a link to one of the videos:
http://youtu.be/0btZuGh4RmI
No matter how much I rest I am still exausted. I don't know if it is the grey winter weather or something more serious. I seem to go through this every time I come back to Ohio.
Not long after waking up I watched a video of a friend singing a song. It was a very beautiful and funny performance. After watching the video, however, I felt an overwhelming self-hatred toward myself for not being equally as beautiful, talented, and performance-oriented. Thankfully, my friend Mo came to the rescue with a link to her ridiculous youtube animated series, Roc and Mo. It cheered me up pretty quick, her sense of humor is subtle but insane. Here is a link to one of the videos:
http://youtu.be/0btZuGh4RmI
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Like a G-6
Let it be known that I don't actually know what 'like a g-6' means. Aside from my latest rampant obsession with dub-step music (don't ask, just accept) I've taken to daydreaming about large, colorful knitted sweaters. Like Cosby sweaters.
Have you ever just wanted to get on your bike and go? Just go start a business? I would sell mangoes...and Arby's sandwiches.
My cat has taken to my brother's discarded sweater vest. She is convinced that it is her new bed. None of us have the heart to move her, however, because she looks so darned adorable.
The End
Have you ever just wanted to get on your bike and go? Just go start a business? I would sell mangoes...and Arby's sandwiches.
My cat has taken to my brother's discarded sweater vest. She is convinced that it is her new bed. None of us have the heart to move her, however, because she looks so darned adorable.
The End
Sunday, January 1, 2012
It's 2012, Bitches!
One of my goals for 2012, I decided a few months ago, is to learn to play banjo. I've wanted to learn for a couple of years now but due to the expense of the actual banjo I've put it off. Today my friend Allison said she dreamt she was playing banjo last night, and that she thinks it's time to learn to play. She will be moving to Asheville, NC soon, home of banjo playin' and Appalachian music, and I can foresee us attending many a hootenany when I visit her. Asheville is kind of crunchy kid paradise, many aspire to end up there working on some organic farm or attending Warren Wilson. I wouldn't mind laying low in the Blue Ridge mountains, attending to Spirit Bear and the music.
Another of my goals is to ride an elephant at the Cleveland zoo this year. I would rather ride a giraffe, but apparently they don't allow that. I don't see why not. Giraffes seem better equipped to handle a saddle.
My little pink heart just exploded as I listened to this new song from Tinariwen:
Perfect way to bring in the new year.
Another of my goals is to ride an elephant at the Cleveland zoo this year. I would rather ride a giraffe, but apparently they don't allow that. I don't see why not. Giraffes seem better equipped to handle a saddle.
My little pink heart just exploded as I listened to this new song from Tinariwen:
Perfect way to bring in the new year.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Back 'Home' In Ohio!
I escaped the torments of Jobcorps and the fierce cold of Maine, yay! I will have to give a reader's digest update on how I came to be back at my parents' home in Ohio:
I finished the basic nursing course to be a nursing assistant, but the certificate is only valid in Maine, a state which I am not from and did not willingly move to and did not plan to stay in. Originally I was going to take the culinary course, the culinary certificate being valid anywhere in the world for entry-level positions, but the program was full so I was placed in CNA.
Once I finished I was urged to apply to the local community college. I was very unhappy and discombobulated in Maine, so I made a split decision to buy a bus ticket back home to see my family for Christmas. I arrived in Cleveland two days before Christmas. The next morning I awakened to unfamiliar surroundings and it took me a moment to realize where I was. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than waking up far, far away from a place that was a personal nightmare, realizing you are someplace familiar and warm and loving, and that it is Christmas Eve morning. Although I've had several nightmares about being back at Jobcorps (it wasn't that bad, but I can't stand being anyplace where I'm told what to do and treated like a stupid, insubordinate child) I wake up every morning more happy than I have in months. I'll miss ma bitches Tricia and Tishnisa for sure, since all of my childhood friends from Ohio have moved away, but I spend most of my time with my family anyways.
Although I consider New York state to be my grown-up person home, Ohio is the place I run away to when I'm done with one of my adventures, or preparing to embark on one of them. Right now the plan is to stay for a semester of college in order to stave off student loan payments while making money to pay off student loans (If I gave any person reading this advice it would be to NEVER take out student loans, ever). I can already feel the travel itch, however, and if something else comes up I won't complain...Living in Amish country with no vehicle or public transit is only quaint for a couple of weeks.
Of course, the lesson I have learned from all of this, once again, is to never follow what appears to be the path of money, but to always follow my bliss. My bliss has thus far led me to some beautiful, incredible places, and I don't doubt my soul's judgement on any experience. I think life must be lived from the soul, fully conscious of every moment.
I finished the basic nursing course to be a nursing assistant, but the certificate is only valid in Maine, a state which I am not from and did not willingly move to and did not plan to stay in. Originally I was going to take the culinary course, the culinary certificate being valid anywhere in the world for entry-level positions, but the program was full so I was placed in CNA.
Once I finished I was urged to apply to the local community college. I was very unhappy and discombobulated in Maine, so I made a split decision to buy a bus ticket back home to see my family for Christmas. I arrived in Cleveland two days before Christmas. The next morning I awakened to unfamiliar surroundings and it took me a moment to realize where I was. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than waking up far, far away from a place that was a personal nightmare, realizing you are someplace familiar and warm and loving, and that it is Christmas Eve morning. Although I've had several nightmares about being back at Jobcorps (it wasn't that bad, but I can't stand being anyplace where I'm told what to do and treated like a stupid, insubordinate child) I wake up every morning more happy than I have in months. I'll miss ma bitches Tricia and Tishnisa for sure, since all of my childhood friends from Ohio have moved away, but I spend most of my time with my family anyways.
Although I consider New York state to be my grown-up person home, Ohio is the place I run away to when I'm done with one of my adventures, or preparing to embark on one of them. Right now the plan is to stay for a semester of college in order to stave off student loan payments while making money to pay off student loans (If I gave any person reading this advice it would be to NEVER take out student loans, ever). I can already feel the travel itch, however, and if something else comes up I won't complain...Living in Amish country with no vehicle or public transit is only quaint for a couple of weeks.
Of course, the lesson I have learned from all of this, once again, is to never follow what appears to be the path of money, but to always follow my bliss. My bliss has thus far led me to some beautiful, incredible places, and I don't doubt my soul's judgement on any experience. I think life must be lived from the soul, fully conscious of every moment.
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