Marriage Proposal

Dear Stevie Ray Vaughan,

Will you please marry me?

Sincerely,
Amanda

Back 'Home' In Ohio!

I escaped the torments of Jobcorps and the fierce cold of Maine, yay! I will have to give a reader's digest update on how I came to be back at my parents' home in Ohio:

I finished the basic nursing course to be a nursing assistant, but the certificate is only valid in Maine, a state which I am not from and did not willingly move to and did not plan to stay in. Originally I was going to take the culinary course, the culinary certificate being valid anywhere in the world for entry-level positions, but the program was full so I was placed in CNA.

Once I finished I was urged to apply to the local community college. I was very unhappy and discombobulated in Maine, so I made a split decision to buy a bus ticket back home to see my family for Christmas. I arrived in Cleveland two days before Christmas. The next morning I awakened to unfamiliar surroundings and it took me a moment to realize where I was. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than waking up far, far away from a place that was a personal nightmare, realizing you are someplace familiar and warm and loving, and that it is Christmas Eve morning. Although I've had several nightmares about being back at Jobcorps (it wasn't that bad, but I can't stand being anyplace where I'm told what to do and treated like a stupid, insubordinate child) I wake up every morning more happy than I have in months. I'll miss ma bitches Tricia and Tishnisa for sure, since all of my childhood friends from Ohio have moved away, but I spend most of my time with my family anyways.

Although I consider New York state to be my grown-up person home, Ohio is the place I run away to when I'm done with one of my adventures, or preparing to embark on one of them. Right now the plan is to stay for a semester of college in order to stave off student loan payments while making money to pay off student loans (If I gave any person reading this advice it would be to NEVER take out student loans, ever). I can already feel the travel itch, however, and if something else comes up I won't complain...Living in Amish country with no vehicle or public transit is only quaint for a couple of weeks.

Of course, the lesson I have learned from all of this, once again, is to never follow what appears to be the path of money, but to always follow my bliss. My bliss has thus far led me to some beautiful, incredible places, and I don't doubt my soul's judgement on any experience. I think life must be lived from the soul, fully conscious of every moment.

Folk Music

Today's musician is Buffy St. Marie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bKutgdh-rg

Occupying Bangor

Bangor Maine just got a lot cooler! I'm currently in downtown with TT representing the 99%

I hate bangor ME

I've got nine minutes to tell you all how much I hate this place and hope the world ends on Oct. 28th, as my little brother keeps trying to tell my mother it will. I wish I had stayed at Omega and continued to be a homeless vagabond. What I will have gained when I leave here is probably $1000, which I could have made in half the time if I were working at a ski resort, and I'd be ten times happier. If any of you are thinking of making a decision based on a need for money or material security, don't do it. It is better to be happy and feed your soul than to be miserable and lose it. Follow your bliss. Don't listen to what anyone else tells you about how you should live your life. Fuck them, they are all miserable and want others to be miserable too.

PS: I hope the world ends via god farting on the earth and poisoning everyone with noxious fumes.

Land of Kings

I left New Hampshire and the house of Wetsy's parents two weeks ago for the comforts of Jobcorps. For those of you who do not know what Jobcorps is, it is a government training facility for low-income people ages 16-24. We live on the campus, abide by very strict rules and regulations, receive free meals and career training in one of three basic fields: Culinary, Medical/Business, Facilities Maintenance, and take classes on how to be grown-up contributing members of society.

I felt that I was drowning in my life and unable to find secure employment, so I decided to apply for this program. Because I am considered low-income I was accepted. At first it was quite an adjustment to go from super hippy land where everyone loves one another and is a community of conscious, socially-aware individuals to the land of high school mentalities. It's growing on me though. Aside from the shitty music and mostly nutritionless food I am getting used to the yelling, fighting, f-bomb dropping campus of 300 or so students. One of the things they emphasize is to not get caught up in the 'drama'. Drama is a word that is thrown around a lot, and it is always suggested that new students don't get caught up in it. Despite the drama the students are usually friendly and talkative. There aren't really 'cliques' like a normal high school environment, although many of the students are only 16 or 17, or come directly from high school. Almost everyone talks to everyone, and although the deep friendships of my previous life do not exist, there are many valuable surface acquaintances that make daily life pleasant.

I have so far made one close friend and we have gotten in the habit of taking long walks into town after class. The other day we walked to Stephen King's house, which was less impressive than his wrought iron fence, and saw the friendliest little black cat. It ran right across the street to us when I called it and began rubbing against our legs. Today we walked about four miles in the pouring rain to the library so that we could access the websites that are blocked through the campus computers (such as blogger and facebook). The downtown area of this city is a very cute typical New England prototype. It is more beautiful now that fall is here and the leaves are changing.

On campus many hilarious scenarios happen and my friend and I have mentioned the need to write a book of short stories about our time here. There are many strong personalities and characters at Jobcorps. Today one kid came into the Dining Commons completely covered in a black garbage bag, except for a small circle where his face was poking out. For some reason the sight of this was more hilarious than it would be outside of JC. He walked into the hot line and when he needed to grab a food tray he thrust his hand through the side of the plastic to rip an arm hole in the garbage bag raincoat.

Just a few days ago one of my fellow students' girlfriend, who is in culinary, handed him a celery 'flower', aka the base of a bunch of celery that had been chopped off. When she left he said, "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?". Later, when we left the DC we saw a group of youngsters playing hacky sack with the celery flower. As we passed by one of the youngsters almost kicked it at my friend's face. Only at Jobcorps.

During my first week here I stumbled back into my dorm wing after a long, boring day of CPP classes (career prep) and one of my wing-mates came in behind me and began to chant, "Stop! Don't touch me there, these are my private squares!". I laughed and highly appreciated the laugh.

The coffee here is said to be shitty, but I think it is a little better than Omland's Dining Hall coffee. Definitely not better than Om Cafe though! The food can't be compared. Omega has the BEST food in the world, maybe second to Yogaville or Kripalu.

I'm very excited because Monday is my first nursing class. I get to stand in line at the clothing closet to receive my scrubs at 6:45am sharp! I can't wait to get a picture of myself in the scrubs so I can post it all over this blog, facebook, and...I don't know, send it to my family. "Look at me, I am gaining useful jobskills! See, I'm not just wandering around the country like a vagabond! I'm doing something with my life!".

Who knows.

In Bob We Trust

As Bob takes over the world...Things get better. If you'd like to assist Bob in taking over more than just the foodworks department please visit the following website:

http://www.bobis.us/

Miss Kitty Kill! Kill! Kill!

My mom recently sent me an email with two pictures attached to it. The first picture was of a curtain tassle, very nice and decorative. The second picture was of a curtain tassle that had been completely devastated. In this email she told me of how she came home one day to find bits and pieces of tassle laying all over the floor, and our brooding black cat Cloe sitting next to a mass of golden threads. Cloe was glaring, as is her usual countenance, but my mom suspected foul play and a set up. Luckily, a couple of feet away she saw our other cat, Miss Kitty, the little hellian. Miss Kitty happened to be covered in golden tassle strings, in fact they were hanging out of her mouth. Once again she'd tried to blame Cloe for her dirty work. Here are the before and after pictures:

BEFORE:


AFTER:

OhMahGah!

SEANANNERS!!!

Chocolatecaohigh

Betsy is an idiot and decided to make a chocolate cao and almond milk with honey beverage at 9pm, so now she is WIRED. I'm going to tell you a caffeine induced story now:


Once upon a time Disabled Santa decided he wanted to go to the thrift store to purchase some new clothing.


When he arrived at the thrift store he was inundated with rows and rows of Cosby sweater, as far as the eye could see.


He became very excited at the sight of all of the beautifully patterned sweaters he had to choose from, but when he reached his hand out to grab the scratchy nylon cable-knit of one of them a rabid wolf spider jumped out of the sleeve opening!


The rabid wolf spider stared Santa down. He wasn't going to give up his Cosby Sweater without a fight.


Inevitably, an evil robot riding a dinosaur came swooping into the thrift store...


The robot dismounted, used his magic powers to turn the thrift store into a children's birthday party, then proceeded to beat up all of the children present.


Once the children were unconscious the evil robot was out of a job, so he had to resort to turning tricks on the street corner outside of the thrift store.


Eventually Satan came and forced a bunch of people into an old wooden barrel, wherein he then proceeded to flail them with switches from a Christmas tree.

THE END!

WetsyleavesforSanFran

Betsy is now all alone, living at Wetsy's parents' house by herself (with the parents). Wetsy left for grand adventure back in SF. Betsy didn't make any immediate life plans, aside from leaving spiritual community for the real world, so is now waiting to hear back from culinary school. Betsy has decided to attend culinary school on a government scholarship because going to school to be an archaeologist was costing too much money and Betsy's real family is poor and unable to assist her. She plans on eventually going to school to study something ancient that also has to do with digging in the dirt, but she might decide to study sustainable agriculture because she just loves digging in the dirt and finding treasures, such as purple potatoes at the Bethel Farm yoga center.

That was another magical moment in my new Life without LizO: Sahaja, kirtan leader of Omland, happened to be staying with her brother just down the road so I tagged along as her roadie/groupie for a kirtan event about 45min away at Bethel Farm Yoga Center. The center is run by a couple who teach Jivamukti style yoga, have two young children, some chickens, a dog, a kitty, and two organic gardens. They also have an incredible yoga studio, a cabin, and a farm house on their property. The event was magical, one of the most powerful kirtans I've experienced outside of Ecstatic Chant, and it was coupled by an intense (or, as I have been told unusually easy) Jivamukti yoga class, which has left me mostly incapacitated. I was in a state of revelrie all of Saturday night. They also have really great coffee (cafe Bustelo!). Living on the property and offering workshops are two more women, yoga teachers and chefs, one an herbalist with amazing posture. I kind of live for Bethel Farm right now. I want to volunteer/work/teach/learn there some day. I was blessed with an afternoon of digging up magical purple potatoes in one of the gardens, which eventually entailed a baby vole rescue mission.

Today Wetsy's parents took Betsy on a hike up a sweetass mountain. My Capricorn rising/inner mountain goat (you choose your fantasy) was joyous at the opportunity to clamber over huge boulders and sidle along small cliffs. Then the adopted parents bought Betsy an ice cream cone and she looked at some animals. I love living the life of a small child with the parents I never had. We even drove an antique Fiat convertable. I don't know if there are non-convertable Fiat's, as I have never seen a Fiat in my life before now. I'm living the privelaged life nowadays. Last winter I was retired, hanging out with Izzie and the 50+ crowd, now I'm nine years old. Can somebody please commit my life to memory for future generations of irreverent jesters? Thanks.

BoppingaroundNewHampshire

The month of August has been pretty amazing. LizO, my perpetual partner in crime, came to work on campus for family week and we mildly terrorized everyone (psychically, with Freaksha blessings) for two weeks. Then I decided to leave with her and stay at her parents' house in New Hampshire. So now Betsy and Wetsy are living out their karmic sibling debt to the earth, real-life twin sisters embodying their contrasting personalities.

We are attempting to create a daily spiritual practice for ourselves while building up the empire of absurdity, but from the very first day we were here we both became very disorganized and overwhelmed. Without the safety of the community I've lived in since mid-May and the familiarity of my tent I think I went into shock. Sleeping in a bed was way too much of a luxury! This has been quelled by my insistence on pushing through and finding out what all of these emotions that are coming up have to say to me. There's a lot of sadness at leaving the community but I made the decision based on a need to start making money. Now that I no longer have that security of money I thought I would have while here I have moments of panic, because I am pretty much as well off as I was when I started only without the familiar surroundings. I'm used to sudden and extreme change though. I made a lot of absurd and not so well thought out decisions for my life's path.

Last winter I decided to WWOOF in the Florida Keys, thinking it would be an amazing, transformative, fun experience. It certainly was transformative, but in the typical Betsy-esque fashion that my life seems to adhere to it was not even remotely fun. It was a challenge. Who would have thought that choosing to be in paradise could be so lonely and hellish. That decision made me realize that no matter what decisions I make for my life I am most likely going to end up going it alone. So even though Betsy and Wetsy are spending this time freaking out and erratically chanting in Julia Child voices, eventually we will have to part ways and go out on our own again. At least we have T-rex kundalini yoga...see our future videos for an explanation.

Consciousnessintostardust

A friend and member of the community was in a motorcycle accident this last Friday and due to injuries suffered from the accident he has had to have his left leg amputated from the knee down. Many of us have spent time crying and emoting over this, myself included, although my tears are not of sadness for his 'fate', but rather a releasing of the appreciation and happiness I have for this community who care for and hold one another through our struggles.

We are often assholes to each other, as family often are, but when it comes time to step up and be there many of us are able to be present.

I've been extremely sensitive to everything lately, energy and emotions, loud noises, excited people, large crowds...This has exacerbated my emotions about Charlie's accident and I can't handle hearing about him without crying, even though all of the reports are that he's doing well and in good spirits. Everything just feels a million times more intense to me right now and I'm remaining open to it and accepting it without judgement. Just observing and embracing it as a part of me. I also have incredible managers and co-workers who have held space and made arrangements for me to have the day off.

This all started last Monday when I woke up feeling like all of my energy channels were wide open and I was exhausted immediately upon waking up. I was exhausted the next day, and the third day I was incredibly sensitive to everything to the point where I could barely function. It has gotten more then less intense in various waves, depending on the hour and day and events. Today is a huge day of processing. I'm going to go to Tai Chi sword class later, make a card to send to Charlie at the hospital, do some intense journaling and processing, energy work, and relaxing. I don't think any of this would be available to me outside of here. I would have to have the balls to take it myself.

Raw, Un-edited

Today I feel like a failure and it is only 7:30am. I have been feeling like this for the whole week, riding on the coattails of my Penache Desai self-love high. It's not that I hate myself, I just realize that by Western society's standards I'm a complete failure. Here are the reasons I am a failure:

1. I don't have a passport and have not traveled around the world.
2. I don't have a college degree.
3. I don't have a 'real' job in which I get paid real money.
4. I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore.
5. I have nothing to show for 24 years of life except crazy experiences.
6. I can't keep a relationship for more than a couple of weeks.
7. I don't excel at anything in particular and have yet to find my secret, hidden talent.
8. I suck at being a human being.
9. I am still slightly overweight, despite years of living in vegetarian communities. I realize that this is due to my love of sweets and a voracious appetite.
10. I can't seem to make it to morning yoga on a regular basis. In fact, I don't even think I've been to morning yoga once this year, only evening yoga.
11. I'm slowly sinking into debt every moment that I live.
12. I don't have a home. I live in a tent. I love it, but others view it as inappropriate.


I can't think of any other self-abusive things to write at the moment because I thought of several reasons why I'm happier than ever (albeit stressed about money):

1. I live in a tent, outside, in the woods, with nature.
2. I have 200+ really amazing friends who are part of my soul family.
3. Today I get to spend four hours with a toddler building sand castles on the beach.
4. Tonight I get to work Campus Support, which I love.
5. Until October 15 I have a place to live and food, as long as I keep working here.
6. I've seen more of the United States than most people who grew up in this country.
7. I got to meet Wavy Gravy!

So I couldn't think of an equal amount of positive things to balance the shitty feelings I'm having about myself lately, but at least I found half as many. I feel like I wouldn't be so miserable if I stopped comparing my life to other people's and thinking I need to do what my friends and family back in Ohio have done or are doing with their lives. Ohio is cursed. I hope it explodes so I can stop worrying about it. There it is. Raw and un-edited, how I feel right now.

Stupid Hippy Magic

My Omega twin sister Wetsy is going to be coming back to campus in a few days after a year-long adventure in the Bay Area. During her time on the West Coast she formed a band, made a CD, increased her empire of absurdity a hundredfold and acquired many stuffed ponies. Now she will be returning to give Freaksha blessings to everyone on campus. Supposedly there will be a Bingeing with the Buddha season 2 as well.

I have been floating the last few weeks, which has allowed me to see how many different departments on campus function. So far Production and Cafe are my favorite. I'm working in Cafe tonight, after I babysit a small child for a few hours. This is good because I will be getting paid for this. I will also be watching the small child tomorrow morning before work. Money is good. I need money.

I'm planning on applying to Warren Wilson college for the Spring 2012 semester but I'm not getting my hopes up since I usually fail at anything that involves college. Something always goes wrong, and I'm not even going to fall into the trap of believing that things go wrong because I manifest wrongness. I'm just cursed, or not meant to have a higher education. Speaking of being cursed, I've been really moody lately, mostly due to the early arrival of my moon. Also due to the fact that I feel like my life is worthless and I haven't done anything with it. Beverly wants to give me some sort of counseling session about my future path and career in life, but I don't think it will give me any information, since such counsel never has helped me in the past. The other night I asked Marcy what career path I should take and she drew some tarot cards and came to the conclusion that I shouldn't worry about it because whatever I do will be okay. That doesn't help me, since I need to make money, as we discussed before I need money, money is good. Stupid tarot cards. Stupid esoteric, spiritual bullshit. If I didn't believe in stupid hippy magic I wouldn't have so many problems in my life. Oh, I'm totally making that my new facebook status...

Dangit...

Why am I sitting in the MediaWorks office at 2am updating my blog?? Today consisted of laughs and giraffes, and chillin' and Bob Dylan. Actually, none of those things happened. I did jump into someone's pool though. I don't know the owners, but I asked nicely and they said 'what the hell'. So, what the hell. It never hurts to ask for what you want in life.

What if no one's watching? what if when we're dead we are just dead?

I've been trying to find info on the Flotilla 'Audacity of Hope' because one of my heroes, Alice Walker is on it. Actually, everyone who joins a flotilla is my hero.

My ear infection is almost gone, I could swallow pieces of toast without being in pain! It's so exciting to be able to eat like a normal person again. Serra and Will let me stay in their extra trailer with AC and a real bed. It was so nice, although I love living outside and sleeping on the earth.

Jasper leaves today so I'll be alone in my tent again :( but I'm planning on recruiting cuddle buddies (or kidnapping a baby bear, which might end in disaster, or kidnapping Carnita, my friend Renata's adorable kitty). Carnita is my inspiration for living right now.

Being sick really knocked me on my ass and kept me from obsessively watching Democracynow! and Aljazeera and such. I don't know if I want to know what's going on in the world. The safe bubble of Omz is always appealing, but my life is a life of service and if I don't know where my energy needs to be directed I end up...getting ear infections and chasing p-pants down the road and beating on their windows with my shoes.

Last night while in the ACed trailer I wrote a new song (hopefully soon to be released on my youtube channel) and played my new favorite song 'Breathe 2am' ("2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake, can you help me unravel my latest mistake; I don't love him, and winter just wasn't my season").

It's a beautiful, hot, sunny summer day out and I need to get outside and enjoy it to the fullest.

OHHHhhh, oHHHooh, AND....The last Harry Potter movie is coming out this Friday and Will, Serra and a bunch of us are going to the midnight showing.

Jester power invoked.

Garlic Ear-Things that float-Time passes

Yet again I find myself lax in updating you on my life. Mostly this is because I feel i do the same things multiple times a week and it is not worth my mentioning them after a certain point. In fact, many interesting things have happened. I am now in the Float department at the Omz. Yesterday was my last day at the WLC. It was rather anti-climatic. I suppose I thought I'd be saving the world by working there, but in actuality I was just driving myself completely insane.

I've also been sick with a variety of mysterious illnesses in the past few weeks. At first I thought it was lyme disease because I was incredibly tired for about two weeks. It went away for about three days and then I started having sharp pain in my ear, which quickly turned into pain in my throat, which soon turned into both sides of my throat so swolen I couldn't swallow my own spit, open my mouth properly, speak easily, breathe at night, etc. Of course, since I have never had medical insurance in my life (I come from a working-class family, such things are quite the luxury), I just seem to continuously accrue medical debt that I can never pay off. It sickens me to think of the number of people who become so ill that they need serious treatments that they can't pay for, and so they end up bankrupt because of their need to pay these medical bills that are so incredibly exhorbitant.

My friend, who grew up in New Zealand, is visiting this week and she told me that in NZ you can visit the doctor for about $15 and that all perscriptions are filled for about $5. That sounded really excellent. Maybe someday the United State could have some sort of system like that? And then people wouldn't have to die with the guilt of not paying off their medical bills.

For now I am working on homeopathic treatments for what I believe is an ear infection. I am refusing to visit a doctor because A) I don't have the money, and B) There are people who literally DIE because they cannot afford something as simple as a trip to the doctor. I would rather die than pay the fucking corporate pigs their money. They can try to suck everyone else in this country dry, but my life is not important enough for me to lay down like an abused dog and let them beat me. I'm going to go out fighting.


MEDICAL CARE SHOULD BE AFFORDABLE FOR EVERY PERSON ALIVE.

Fuck all the bullshit.

Okay, crazy ranting done. Oh, I chased a p-pant down in a thunderstorm and beat the window of his fucking SUV with my shoe because he sped down Lake Dr. and soaked my friend with a wall of water. I yelled at him and used the F word and phrases that began with 'You DO NOT...' and 'EVER!!!'. It felt therapeutic.

Also, in other me-related news, I'm following the flotilla 'audacity of hope', on which one of my heroes, Alice Walker, is a passenger/activist.

Also, there is a small chunk of garlic in my ear right now because some homeopathic website said that this was a good idea. Sometimes I think my life would be novel-worthy, but then I remember that it really isn't.

A Bear Story

"In the balletic embrace, magnetic and graceful in the bear's insatiable shadow"

While walking down a dirt road with my friend Melissa we were suddenly stopped mid-sentence, mesmerized by the appearance of the a black bear. It was the first I'd ever seen outside of my dreams, where I have seen them most of my life. It was a fair distance away, but with its excellent hearing and sense of smell it took notice of us and stopped to look while we stopped to gawk at it. After a few moments of watching each other the bear carried on through the field and disappeared into the woods.

The experience was terrifying and amazing. I have been afraid of bears since I was a child and we lived in a farmhouse near Leroy, Ohio, where many bears began making their return migration after several decades, maybe centuries, of not being present in that area. Now I live in upstate New York and since 2009 when I first moved here I knew there were black bears that moved though the area every spring. People would casually say, "Yeah, I saw a bear the other day", and because everyone was very accepting of the presence of the bears I began to become less afraid of them. I never had an encounter of my own for the following two years, until now.

For the past few nights walking to my tent in the dark has been a frightening experience. I was afraid I'd startle any potential bears chilling out in the woods and they'd become aggressive and defensive. Last night I was cat sitting (a whole separate story) and I couldn't sleep well, partially due to the cats, and partially because I was not in my tent, laying on the ground, in the woods (with the bears).

Today I decided to change my office computer background to a picture of a black bear and I am reading all of the information I can about black bears. I'm hoping to integrate this experience since I've been dreaming of bears since I was a child living in Ohio, terrified to go outside and play in the woods alone. In the dreams I would be walking in an abandoned or sparsely populated street crossing, usually with a traffic light. The bear would be walking around on the streets, not paying attention to anybody, and nobody in the dream seemed to notice the bear or be afraid of it but me.

During my first year in NY I was working with an energy healer and counselor (we were cleaning bathrooms at a retreat center) about my bear dreams, as well as my dreams of other large, scary animals, and she pointed out that the animals were probably present to protect me or help me to integrate the qualities that I needed as a child to handle certain situations that the animals had and I did not. I realized that the bears were showing up in my dreams because they represented strength, independence, bravery, mothering, love/care for younger generations, protection... A few days before I talked to this woman I'd dreamt about Spirit Bear, the all-white black bear. All of this seemed very auspicious.

Previous to this I lived in Utah and worked as a housekeeper at another retreat center/lodge. I lived near the Grand Staircase Escalante and hiked often and by myself. I was told that there were Grizzly and Kodiak bears in that area of Utah, and as terrified as I was I felt drawn to the bears. It was later that year when I moved to NY that I discovered the music of Mariee Sioux and her song 'Bundles', which takes much imagery from Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes' story of La Loba, and how we all begin as bundles of bones in the desert that need to be collected. There is a part of this song by Mariee Sioux that says, "And there's a grizzly bearing in me, there's a grizzly bearing in me...and in you, and in us and in we...Grizzly paws hide me, and grizzly paws hold me, Grizzly cradles me, raising me like an offering of a bundle of sticks to the sun, to the sun..." It was that image that helped me to further integrate the bears in my waking and dreaming life.

Seeing the black bear the other day and working through these old fears and integrating the bear into my existence by just accepting that we are both animals who belong to the earth is even easier because the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers are here on campus, and their energy is permeating everything. Spirit Bear and I have a lot of work to do before we get there, but I think we're on a happy path thanks to all of these synchronicities.

I'm also getting my reiki level 1 attunement tonight! I'm very excited.

Hungry for Souls

I went to the production office to get some clipboards for tomorrow's events on campus and while there saw Chris of production carrying out boxes and boxes of CDs. Many of the production staff were peering over these boxes so I intruded. Good thing I did, too, because it turns out Chris is giving away his entire CD collection (he converted to digital). I am now the proud owner of the following artists/albums:

Parliament 1974-1980
Midival Punditz
Nellie McKay-Get Away from Me
Angelique Kidjo-Black Ivory Soul
John Renbourn (!)-The Lady and the Unicorn
Joan Osborne-Relish (my copy is too scratched up to play in most CD players)
The Tank Girl soundtrack
Dead Can Dance-Aion
Afrocelt Soundsystem

I'm pretty excited about this. I'm also pretty hungry. Wish I had a snack on hand...

Mysterious Object in the Sky

This morning after breakfast I was walking to work and noticed a huge, round, glowing object in the sky. It was emanating heat and light in a capacity that seemed almost nuclear, and I could not identify it. Its presence made me feel warm and joyful.

But what I mean to say is...The sun is out! For the first time in days! Not a cloud in the sky! And it is warm. I'm so excited to go for a walk today!!! (I'm not being excessive with the exclamations, I really am that excited. When you live in a tent and it has been raining for two weeks nearly non-stop, to the point where your tent site becomes water-front property [don't get me wrong, I love my stream] things like sunshine and blue sky are gifts).

I am reminded every day, even the rainy, stormy, cold days; that being here with so many people I love is a gift, and that this is truly paradise.

I may be a bit high from last night's Peace Guild meeting. It was our first meeting and it was amazing. We received empowerment to give Magical Awakening level 1, and Charlie was my partner. I enjoyed giving the healing energy so much, I'd never done anything like that before (mostly because I'm cynical and have refused to believe in energy in the past). It is also really balanced having Brett and Kathy as the teachers for the class, because they both teach quite differently but the different forms of energy work they do really compliment each other.

DID I MENTION THE SUN IS OUT??!!

May Happenings

I know, I know...I'm a terrible blogger now that I have a life again. After an interesting stint selling giant chocolate bars with my young cousins we made enough money for our trip to Watertown to see Nick and Lovie, and then I was able to get back to Ohmayguh. I've been here for 3 (I think?) weeks, working hard at the Women's In., looking over scholarships, emailing people constantly, staring at the computer screen for eight hours a day...

As much as I appreciate the opportunity to work in this department, I will definitely a) Never work in an office again, and b) Probably go back to housekeeping in future seasons. How did I not consider that I would go completely insane working in the Death Star, with the people who make actual money, instead of out on campus with the other povos? I just keep telling myself that this will look great on my resume. I've been spending all of my days off volunteering in other departments. I got to be loop leader in hsk Sunday. Hasan and I keekeed.

The sky is blue and sunny for the first time in about two weeks. Green trees, nice breeze...This place is heaven! I can't wait to go for a walk around the lake today. 45 more minutes...

Tonight is also my first night of Peace Guild! I'm beyond excited to spend one night a week with Kathy and Brett, the wizards of Om.

Oh, yes, and my tent is no longer leaking as bad as it was the first week. No more puddles of rain water on my blankets. I also have a chest of drawers made from the Staples boxes we received our office supplies order in. My alter and bedside table are made from toilet paper and paper towel boxes from housekeeping(And I live in a cardboard box...).

Change of Plans

My aunt sent me a message this morning telling me that my cousin Nick would not be coming to Rhinebeck to see us at my place of residence, so we are going to drive to his house in Waterton NY to spend a day with him and his wife. Supposedly we're going to have a girly get together with mango margaritas and a chick flick. Monday morning we'll drive five hours to Rhinebeck so that I can get to work on Tuesday.

Tomorrow we are busy, busy, busy.

Right now I need to get myself into gear and finish my paper that's due on Monday, since I'll be busy all weekend and won't have time to work on it.

2 Days Until NY!

Alright, I haven't been in a blogging mood very much lately, and in fact, you may notice something different about this blog. This is an old blog from my roadtrip to California three years ago that I decided to revive and import my Guitar Slingin' Vagabond blog into, since I haven't been slinging my guitar as much lately and no longer have the confidence I had when I first returned from Florida in February. Amandasaurus Rex was a persona similar to Galaxia Nervosa, but not quite as irreverent. Slightly more irreverent than Betsy.

I should actually be packing the rest of my belongings right now, since I'm leaving for my Aunt Chris' house tomorrow evening, and we will be spending all day Saturday working on the finishing touches of after prom (aka after birth) decorations. We're going to go into Mentor as well in order to visit Gabrielle, who, apparently is back from Hawaii. Then we will drink copious amounts of Starbucks coffee, return to the trailer, and load up the Redrum Mobile for our nighttime road trip back to Omega/NY.

I'm going to drive all night to get to Omega, that's how much I freaking love it. Hopefully my tent will exist in the woods by the time we arrive, so we have a place to sleep.

In other, more sad news my MP3 player bit the dust yesterday. It's really unfortunate, since I just bought it this winter while down in Key West. It's totally okay though because I only paid $20 for it. Apparently it was on clearance for a reason: It's a cheap piece of crap.

Also, started my Gender, Kin, and Marriage class. This is the first actual core curriculum class I've gotten to take in the years of on and off college and it's enough to keep me paying thousands of dollars for this useless thing called higher education. Oh, and I've had a Tumblr for a while, but Courtknee thinks I should use it more frequently:

http://iamfromearth.tumblr.com/

It's mostly for quotes and music videos I enjoy. I hope you enjoy them too.

Mumble...mumble

I haven't had the motivation to update much lately. Mostly I'm preparing for my return to Omega in a little over a week. Also finishing up my first course for my degree program. Also trying to make sense of my life, which is in financial shambles.

I've been doing a lot of painting pieces for Julie's company. Hoping to send her a bundle of images soon. Also keeping up with Bahrain's status. A list of prisoners killed was released on Aljazeera today. Listening to Constantina Lopresti's new album (as well as getting used to calling her by her full Sicilian name. I have always known her as Dina Rae). Excited for Beltane, although you can't tell by the tone of my typing. My energy has been crappy since I was sick on Monday.

I'm excited about my road trip to NY! Gas prices make it a little less exciting though.

I'm now fluent in zombie language. I bet you didn't know that.

and then...

Then she ran outside to the pond and said, "This is MINE!" and waved her hands over the general area of the pond. Then she said, "I'm watching you geese...I'm watching you".

And then a few hours later she randomly said, "Let's go buy some heroin", after the television mentioned herring.

My mother sometimes has bouts of crazy.

He Has Risen...And He's Hungry for Brains!!!

My family is not Christian, however they still insist on celebrating Easter. Of course, what we are really celebrating is Saturnalia and the ancient fertility rites of Spring. We do this by consuming slaughtered pig (which I will not be partaking in), and various tubers.

I enjoy a good fire and brimstone sermon as much as the next person, but what I don't understand is, if Jesus died this horrible, bloody death and then rose from the dead three days later and started stalking his former disciples why didn't people peg him for what he really was: A zombie. I don't trust anything that bleeds for five to seven days without dying, and I don't trust anyone who is raised from the dead. I've read the Zombie Apocolypse Handbook. I know how to identify a zombie. God can't fool me, I'm onto his games.



Earlier this morning my mom opened the sliding glass door and yelled into the backyard, "Hey! Geese! Go away! Get away from the pond! I'll sick my cats on you! I know you hear me. Don't you walk away from me!"

And thus began another typical holiday with my family.

mukhtar mai's attackers released

Nine years ago a Pakistani woman named Mukhtar Mai was gang raped by 14 men. This was a legally sanctioned punishment carried out because of a crime her 12-year old brother allegedly committed. When a woman is gang-raped it is seen as an act of dishonor and the woman is then expected to kill herself for creating such dishonor. Mukhtar Mai refused to kill herself, however, and she challenged the Pakistani government, initially bringing six of her attackers to justice. In the wake of her struggle for women's rights she created an organization that now safely harbors other women who have endured similar trauma, Mukhtar Mai Girls Model School, which later expanded to become Mukhtar Mai Women's Welfare Organization.

http://www.mukhtarmaimmwo.com/index.html

Recently, however, it was announced on DemocracyNow! that five of the six men convicted of raping Mukhtar were let go on grounds of insubstantial evidence. This means that five of the 14 men who were involved in gang-raping her will now be set free and allowed to do as they wish. Mukhtar Mai has expressed concern over their release, stating that she fears for her life now that they are free.

As I read this I wondered what we could do to help. First of all, I wrote to Mukhtar Mai's ogranization in order to express my support of her human rights and my desire for her to remain safe. In addition to this I am going to research any petitions in support of Mukhtar, or the legislation of Pakistan's tribal laws that lead to such acts as gang-rape. If you would like to show your support for Mukhtar Mai and the women of pakistan please blog, tweet, and inform others of her story. You may also want to read the book 'Half the Sky', which contains the stories of many women internationally who have been and are subjected to gender-based crimes. In addition to this you can visit the website of Mukhtar Mai's organization, read her memoir, and write to the organization to show your support.

Thank you to everyone who makes the decision to support women's rights. What you are really supporting are our collective human rights.

600 human lives taken from their homes

The official account has the the number of persons detained/arrested at over 600, a large percentage of which have whereabouts which are still unknown. Four of the detained individuals died in custody early in April. A young woman would rather starve to death than live her life without her family. Thousands from around the world join her by fasting, writing to government representatives and embassy officials, informing news stations of the precious lives quickly disappearing from their own homes, perhaps never to be seen again.

When I wake in the morning, when I pause to stop thinking, when I turn my bedroom light out at night her face haunts me, her words reverberate in my ears. Her eyes are dark and full of fire, the same fire I've seen reflected in my own light eyes when I know I too would die for something. There is no justice in a world where doctors and lawyers working to help people achieve political freedom are among the disappeared, and the world remains silent.

We can discuss why various methods of protest are effective, foolish, or better than others, but discussing methods is not accomplishing anything. People are lying in jail cells, possibly without food, water, or proper sanitation and health care. They were not told why they were violently removed from their homes and their families were not informed of where they were being taken.

"If you're not angry then you're just stupid, you don't care. How else can you react when you know something so unfair, when the men of the hour can kill half the world in war, make them slaves to a super power and let them die poor..." -Ani Difranco

Human life is sacred. Don't let it disappear without a fight.

bahrain human rights update

I've ended my fast and decided to dedicate my energy to spreading the word about the human rights atrocities occurring in Bahrain. I know that people are suffering in other locations, believe me that I know more than almost anybody, but Zainab has somehow touched me in a way I can't escape. She is in her late 20's, I am in my early 20's. She studied in the Midwest, I grew up in the Midwest. She cares about the rights of human beings, I can see the fire burning in her eyes in the official picture released of her. She's willing to die for the release of her family. I no longer agree with the methods she is using, especially since she has a one year old daughter to take care of, but I feel that she chose this extreme form of protest because Bahraini officials and the world would not listen to any other form of pleas.

I wish I could stand in a populated area and shout to people about what is going on in Bahrain. I wish I could convey to people how horrible it is to watch your loved ones beaten and dragged from your home for no reason. I don't even know this horror personally, but when I imagine any person being treated so cruelly I cannot comprehend. I wish I could hold people by the shoulders and shake them awake, make them care, but I cannot.

human rights: bahrain

I haven't been very interested in updating my blog lately, or being on the internet in general. There is a lot going on in the world and I often feel overwhelmed by the desire to post on all of the events. Right now I am focusing on the human rights violations happening in Bahrain, and the hunger strike of Zainab Al-Khawaja, a young woman who watched her father and husband beaten and taken away in the middle of the night by Bahraini officials. Starting tomorrow I will be fasting in order to show my solidarity with Zainab and the detainees. Zainab's father was a prominent human rights activist in Bahrain and is just one of many to be taken away, questioned, and tortured by the Bahraini government.

Since I will be starting my personal fast tomorrow tonight's dinner was my last meal. It was Chinese food from the Chinese buffet in town. There isn't much I can eat there since I am a vegetarian and most of the dishes contain meat, but I enjoyed some salad and dessert. I hope to record a few videos regarding my fast and Zainab's fast in order to bring more awareness to this issue.

good morning

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_BE6ILStnM

trains and nori rolls (and polynesians)

Last night I dreamt that I was at a mega-huge, futuristic train station with my good friend Jenna, and we were looking for her good friend Tommy. For some reason, the side of the station we were one (trains to the right!) was elevated by about a story, creating a loft effect when we looked down and across the eight sets of tracks to the people waiting for trains heading in the other direction (to the left). As I looked down at the people across the tracks I saw a boy I knew when I was in high school, so I shouted his name and asked him if he knew where Tommy was. How I figured he and Tommy knew each other is beyond me, but in dreamland he did. He said Tommy had been doing some work for his father and goofed off too much, so he had to stay longer to finish.




Throughout this dream I heard the roar of trains arriving in the station. Outside of finding Jenna's friend I had no purpose at the train station, although I knew I had originally gone there to take a journey. I soon awoke to the sounds of approaching thunder. So much for trains.

Another dream that I had much earlier in the night was that I was eating nori rolls filled with rice. I had such a strong desire for these rolls. Luckily, when I awoke I was able to eat a nori roll, although the rice we had leftover was curry rice. Still tasted delicious.




The third and final dream I can remember having last night was of a Polynesian couple. They were young, about my age, and they seemed to be going through something, like an illness. This is not so unusual because yesterday I had a friend tell me that someone she knew might have cancer, and I later told another friend that we should have been born into a Polynesian culture.

history of a retreat center

For anyone who is interested in a brief history of Omega and it's founding philosophies, here is a link to the history section of our website:

http://www.eomega.org/omega/about/history/

Here you will find that Omega's founders were students of Pir Valayat, and that we got our name from Teillhard de Charin's philosophy of the 'Omega point', the point toward which all life is evolving toward together.

when one retires at night weeping...

From our darkness:

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-kill-team-20110327?page=1

I often wonder what the root causes of such actions are within humankind, and if they are unique to human beings, but numerous studies have shown that chimpanzes, as well as other non-human animals, are capable of acts of calculated violence toward members of their own species. It's a process of the evolution of consciousness, and growing to the point where you realize that your own safety and permanence in this world is not as important as creating a safe and loving environment for others.

Our light:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPsIl5cb6AE

We are 'works of divine art', and when we remember our divinity and tap into our source, we are capable of creating endless and abundant love and beauty.

We are the darkness and the light. We are infinite and finite. We are creators and the created. We are everything and nothing. We are totally in control, and totally out of control.

We are everything, we are the Universe.

rock me, mama, like a southbound train

I've spent the morning half-listening Democracy Now!, GritTV, and Aljazeera. As much as I want to take the stand that the world is falling apart and we're all going to die, I am essentially an optimist at heart and I only see a major shift in the actions and mindset of humanity.

The uprisings in the Midwest and Middle East/North Africa are indicative of everyday people making the decision to take their power back from corporate-controlled governments. Although the protests in the United States have remained 'civil', the populations overseas do not have that luxury, and it is commendable that they are willing to give their lives in order to make a better life for their future generations.

How many people are beginning to wake up with the natural disasters, nuclear disasters, and political and social uprisings occurring seemingly all at once?

I also see an increasing awareness of the negative effects of large scale 'suitcase' farming, such as the type done by Monsanto (a company I believe to be the living Anti-Christ). People are beginning to question where their food is coming from, the methods in which it is grown, and the way the growers and harvesters are being treated. I see this becoming less of a fad concern and more of a genuine concern for good, local produce grown ethically and sustainably, supporting local farm economies.

People are starting to pay attention to more than just the kids from Jersey Shore. People are starting to wake up.

Also, I have 'Wagon Wheel' by Old Crow Medicine Show stuck in my head, and have been playing it on guitar daily.

happy birthday 24

"I wish I were a bahhhhhhhhrd"

Today is my birthday, which isn't really something worth making a post about. Generally speaking my birthdays are pretty lame. Today might be semi-interesting because I'm going to go with my mom into town to return the falty printer she purchased last weekend. I also might read a chapter of my psych 202 book in order to get ahead of the game on assignments. In addition to this, there might be cake, which doesn't really matter because I am not eating sweets right now. I might treat myself to to frozen waffles for breakfast, however, and watch lots of stupid YouTube videos. All of these activities are fairly normal and not at all exciting. But I'm gonna do them. That's what she said. So now I'll leave you with the 'Oh my gah!' video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69A3aL3Yrs0

Also, I fell asleep listening to Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand last night.

things returned

Back when I was a young tyke, before my great adventures outside of Ohio, my friend Forest gifted me a book that would change my life: The Little Prince. On the title page he wrote the following message:

Amanda,

You are an odd duck. Don't ever lose the feeling of wonder.
Life is extraordinarily beautiful.

-Forest 11/15/05

P.S. Grown ups are altogether very strange.

Later on I loaned this book out to another friend, but soon after this I left Ohio and just assumed I'd never get the book back. Today in the mail, however, I recieved a mystery package and when I opened it I was pleasantly surprised to find my copy of The Little Prince from so many years ago. I can't wait to read it again and keep it with me at all times! This makes the pain in my back seem more minimal.

My aunt hired me out today to help her clean, but apparently my back does not want me to make any extra cash because I woke up this morning with a flare-up from the injury I suffered during my car accident this summer. The pain is less than excruciating and I have to be careful with how I bend and lift things, but at least I can still walk. I still made $20 though, which is pretty amazing considering my current state of unemployment.

Last weekend my adopted 'parents' from Omega came to visit. We went to Cuyahoga Valley National Park and watched the mating habits of the Great Herons. Yesterday my mother and I saw a Great Heron in our backyard. Turns out we didn't need to drive two hours to see some big, gangly bird that is only good for stealing fish from our pond and leaving other mystery fish in it.

flashback 2007 - how we met EZ camp

After our first night at the Gathering Nick, Dina and I decided that camping on the side of a small mountain with nothing more than a tarp might not be the most comfortable setup, especially when there were no other people camped near us. Nick volunteered to scout a new camping spot if Dina and I walked the approximately 2 miles back to the car to retrieve our tent and sleeping bag.

Thankfully he found a beautiful spot on a rocky cliff (not really a cliff per-se, but an elevated rocky bank) right next to the Little Buffalo river. We were high enough up that we wouldn't get flooded out if the rain decided to continue for the rest of our stay, and being right next to the rushing water was so very soothing. We were also in an open area that allowed direct sunlight to hit us, so we would dry quickly even if it did insist on raining.

Nick met us about halfway down the main path and led us through the woods to our new camp. We set up and took a dip in the river. Later we decided to trek back to the car for our clothes and personal belongings. On our way back it was beginning to get dark, and as we passed a cluster of camps and a small kitchen located directly across the river from our tent we heard someone shout, 'Come eat beans, please!'.

"What?" we yelled back.

"Please come and eat beans!" was the answer.

"Okay, just give us a minute," Dina replied.

When we had dropped our belonging off at our camp we crossed back over the river and entered the camp. There were approximately 10 people sitting around a fire eating beans.

"Do you have blissware?" a man sitting by a second fire, a kitchen fire, asked as he held out a giant serving spoon of beans.

"What?"

"A dish for your beans"

"Ohhh...Yeah," we brought out our metal coffee mugs and held them out to the server.

Two huge heaping spoonfuls of beans later we were sitting around the fire getting to know the members of Normanally EZ Livin' camp, a kitchen whose core group were friends from Norman, OK. They were some of the nicest people I'd ever met, and they were all in their 20's, aside from one woman's two-year-old son. The beans were the most delicious I'd ever had, seasoned with some mystery spices that I will never know the source of.

We spent the entire week with this camp, playing music, eating, joking around and becoming family. To this day I still keep in contact with some of the wonderful people I met at EZ.

general update

Will and Serra are visiting tonight and into tomorrow morning. We will be going to Cuyahoga Valley National Park in the morning. I'm very tired and feel like hiding under a giant quilt for a few months...

japan is a bad neighborhood to be in right now

I feel so much empathy for our brothers and sisters and gender-non-descript human siblings in Japan. It's like, jayzus, can't they get a break? Just for a day? And then there's that video that went viral on Youtube of the young 'Christian' woman thanking 'god' for answering her prayers by smiting Japan. Here is the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UmotTE-VlY

I'm pretty sure this is the most hated video on YT, but I'm also convinced this woman's videos are meant to be satire. Nobody is that stupid. Well, some people are.

Apparently Jon is stuck in Japan because he can't get into Tokyo to catch his flight back here. I trololol until the radiation gets him, then I boohoohoo. Also, I have bad cramps. So, all in all, the world is great for everyone.

late night/early morning ruminations

Although I spent almost two hours laying on a heating pad that was set to 'high' and listening to a variety of ambient-house bands, as well as Magna Canta and Arcanus Nox, all while watching videos with pictures of Caribbean beaches, I cannot sleep. The previously mentioned activities put me in a strange trance-state for a while, which was counteracted when I decided to drink a glass of wine and listen to Dennis Wilson. Now my ability to decide whether or not it is time to go to bed is completely gone and I can't think of any quiet activities to fill the space between now and sunrise. I suppose reading a book might work, and I started to pry into Abarat, but I get so distracted by my desire to carry out random Google searches on things like "How can I tape my thumbs to my hands to look like a T-rex?", or, "What types of pie do pirates enjoy?".

After I conduct my research I zone off to a fantasy world where I envision fight scenes between epic characters such as Troy Palamalou versus RnB singer Sade. Then I wonder what all of the douchebag Bros on college campuses everywhere are doing RIGHT NOW. What sorts of douchebagery do you suppose they are getting themselves into? I wonder if they are Google searching how to tape their thumbs to their hands in order to look like a T-rex as well. Perhaps there is a future fassbouk group in the making.

And then for some reason I decide I want to look at pictures of Bob Ross:



And if that isn't enough I then find myself asking, "Why the hell is Bob Ross holding a baby raccoon? Doesn't he know that those things carry rabies?". So I decide to do some more Google research and I find this article:

http://bramblitt.net/?tag=bob-ross

So now I've decided that Bob Ross is a pretty incredible human being. I'm a little sad that I took his presence in my childhood for granted. There are a number of incredible human beings in this world who are often overlooked, which leads me to believe that if the crazy lady who posts youtube videos about how angels told her the world was going to be destroyed by a comet is correct and the world is in fact destroyed by a comet, that would be totally okay. It would be okay because humankind has had ample opportunity to express itself in all of the crazy and wondrous ways it can. The Divine spark that is in everything brought Bob Ross into existence, as well as every person who dons the Ronald McDonald costume, and all of those douchebags on college campuses who are playing beer pong right now.

It is at this point in my ruminations that I begin to realize how desperately I need sleep, for my own sanity. So I will leave you with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgiD6DLsmIY&NR=1

crazy moment

I'm having a crazy moment right now where I just sort of want to be non-existent, or eat a lot of chocolate ice cream and watch Steel Magnolias. This is a good sign though, because it means my moon is coming! But it is annoying as well, because I am currently being occupied by some masochistic psycho-bitch who feels bloaty and angry at the male sex and wants to eat all kinds of strange things.



I just found out some terrible news: This Is Why You're Fat, the beloved website, has also been replaced.



FML.

flashback 2007 - pre-gathering roadtrip cont. and our first night at the gathering

The money Nick, Dina and I made busking in Columbia, MO was enough for us to rent a sleazy motel for the evening. When I say sleazy I do truly mean that this motel was something comparable to the Bates Motel, only in the Ozark Mountains. In the middle of nowhere. Where nobody could hear us scream.

We checked in close to dusk and as night fell and we lay in the queen-sized bed, joking about the level of creepiness of the motel. This particular motel was run by a nice but strangely aloof and terse Indian family. The matriarch was dressed in traditional clothing, including a flowing silk sari. They seemed like pleasant people, despite the way they glared at us upon check-in. They were definitely the least creepy aspect of the motel's ambiance. Our constant banter focused on hillbilly ax-murderers breaking into our room and robbing and killing us, but this soon became less banter and more concerned conversation. Eventually my cousin and I pushed the desk in front of the entrance door, which was already bolt-locked. The thunderstorm that had just started only added to the horror-film setting.

Things began to take a turn for the worst when Dina began to get freaked out and Nick brought out his katana. So there we were, three young adults huddled in a musty motel room in the mountains with a katana sword at our side. Dina and I tried to change the mood of the conversation by drawing comparisons between the Ozarks and the Appalachians, and Dina treated us to some of the old Appalachian ballads she'd learned while attending Warren Wilson college and studying Appalachian music. We definitely felt calmed by the familiarity of her voice, but when something started scratching at the bathroom window and she and I both flipped out, that was about the end of it. I jumped up, locked the bathroom door, and placed a chair under the doorknob to secure it shut.

Although we decided we were all being ridiculous and paranoid we still kept the doors barricaded and slept with the katana next to us. Luckily no crazed hillbillies broke into our room and we survived the night, only to be harassed by the wife of the owner, who insisted check in was at eight, even though the sign on the door said eleven. Before we even had time to assess the true creepiness of the place in the morning light we were ushered out of the room and into our cars, whence our roadtrip continued.

Later that day we reached Fallsville Arkansas and the Ozark National Forest, home of 2007's Rainbow Gathering. The first thing we noticed about the tiny little hick town was a gas station/convenient store with a sign on the door that read, "Local Customers Only". Our initial reading of the town's approval of the Gathering goers was that they really didn't want a couple thousand smelly hippies running around in their woods smoking dope and 'making love'. Luckily there was a more corporate gas station right across the street where we were able to find some staples such as beef jerky and mixed nuts to accompany the homemade hummus and pita bread we'd brought with us from Ohio.

As we drove down the access road into the parking area for the Gathering we began to see an assortment of vehicles. Vans, cars, converted schoolbuses; all painted and covered in mud, or in some way damaged or very run-down looking. There were nicer cars as well, but almost every car sported an array of bumper stickers, all of which were in support of either a) environmental issues/the green party, b) Ron Paul, c) the Grateful Dead, or d) the legalization of marijuana. There were other bumper stickers in similar categories, some with witty sayings, some with quotes from great human beings and teachers. All of the cars had one thing in common: They were covered in a thick layer of red dirt that went up to about mid-door level. Dina's shiny and relatively new little car made its way to one of the only available parking spots at the side of the access road, in between two other small cars. Nick was driving at this point and it was his decision to roll down the windows and blast something like Metallica or ICP, something he thought would be very anti-Rainbow. As he tried to ease the car into the spot it sunk into the mud that had formed from the endless rain the last week or so. The passenger side tilted into the line of berry bushes that marked the wilderness. We decided not to fuss with it.

As we exited the vehicle some very dirty hippies walked past and told us it was about a 2 mile hike into the actual Gathering from our parking space, so we decided not to take all of our gear in, since it was going to be dark very soon and we'd have to quickly find a place to crash. Unfortunately none of us thought to bring the tent. Nick felt that our tarp would be sufficient until we had more time to scope out a permanent spot and set up camp for the rest of our time there. None of us brought our backpacks either, which made hiking in really easy.

About half a mile away from the actual Gathering we could hear what sounded like drums and tons of people shouting and laughing. At this point there were lots of people milling about, going to and from vehicles, but we could not see the thousands of people predicted to be there. We ended up following some women who seemed very excited when the sound of chanting and tambourines was heard. Soon a line of robed individuals playing tambourines and other hand percussion were headed toward us, and they had cookies. These turned out to be the Hare Krishnas from Om camp, and they were notorious for giving away free vegan cookies to all who were arriving.

"Welcome Home!" was the call we heard from all sides as we hiked the final stretch into the Gathering. Random strangers came up and hugged us. People handed us cookies and other treats. Someone offered us ganga granola. Suddenly there was an explosion of people and the drums were louder than ever before, and we could hear rushing water.

"This was what Ghana was like," Dina said.

I felt like I'd entered another country, another world. People were dressed in colorful, mud-covered rags, their hair dreadlocked our unkempt, dogs ran around everywhere without leashes. We came to a rushing river with a log bridge that was obviously constructed by the most recent occupants. We crossed in a procession, our gear on our heads, as the Hare Krishnas followed behind to return to camp for more cookies. We were passing through a whir of color and sound and smell, everybody smelled like their natural body odor, or patchouli, or sage. Nobody was wearing shoes.

The sky was reaching a point of darkness and rain clouds were threatening to drop their bounty on us as we veered off the main path and into the woods. We began the process of setting up camp for the night, which included stumbling through the woods and eventually choosing the least uncomfortable place to put the tarp down. We chose a place on the side of a hill that forced us to sleep with our feet below our heads. Our tarp was barely sufficient to place beneath us and arc over us as protection from the rain, which we soon needed. I had decided to wear a skirt. I had many insects crawling up my legs that night, my feet hung out the end of the tarp and so were quite soaked the next day, and once again I nearly suffocated on Dina's hair. In all honesty I was just glad we weren't attacked by the wild boars everyone said were out there.

------------------------------------

Alright, folks, that's it for the flashback posts for now. Next time I'll tell you all about how we ended up camping next to the coolest people from Oklahoma ever, and I might even get to the part that includes nudity and body paint...

has spring finally come to replace the darkness of my soul?

After my last post I was enthusiastic over the prospect of warm weather come to stay, but overnight it snowed again and froze all of the rain into a sheet of ice. After about a week the outdoors decided to warm up again, although I did not notice because I have secluded myself in my parents' house and am refusing to leave until I a) head to New York, b) summer arrives, or c) Jesus returns (with vegan fudge brownies). I could tell that the weather had warmed up though because my friends were posting about it on facebook. Also, the snow has been slowly melting away the past two days. Still, I do not trust these events as more than a charade, pure trickery.

Previous to the 'big thaw', my new nickname for the latest of mother nature's charades, I convinced my mother to purchase a dozen day-old doughnuts from Wal-mart (yes, we shop at a store that supports child labor. Where else would we get a dozen day-old doughnuts for less than $2?). We brought them home for dessert and I took it upon myself to get out a tube of red frosting from the baking cabinet and write 'REDRUM' on the green-frosted creamstick we'd set aside for my brother. Also I wrote 'MY SACK!', on a lemon cream, and "KILL", on a white-frosted creamstick. I took a picture of the REDRUM doughnut:



I wish I owned a better camera (I use the lens on my netbook) so that I could capture the essence of the REDRUM doughnut. Needless to say, writing 'redrum' on a day-old doughnut does not make it any more or less delicious.

I've succumbed to the world of social networking in complete totality: I now have a twitter. I'm not really sure why I have a twitter because I don't think anyone is going to want to read updates such as, 'I wish my cat would stop jumping out of the shadows and clawing my ankles', or, 'my brother tricked me into watching anime again', or, 'my mom just yelled 'here's your sack!' to my brother'. Maybe if I were a famous personality people would be interested in the mundane events of my life.

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Oh my god, I just went outside for the first time in days. It's raining. I did not feel like I was in a giant walk-in freezer. WHAT IS THIS TRICKERY? I demand to know! It's only March 9th, it is too early for mediocre warmth! I'm scared.
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In addition to not leaving the house and being completely paranoid about the outdoors I've started watching anime with my little brother. I think I might be turning into a shut-in. Again.

some changes to the weather and an anniversary celebration

It has been raining since last night, which means that the snow is melting. Our pool looks like it comitted suicide, it deflated at some point during the past few months. My mom had plans to weatherize it, but when I saw it again after six months it was sagging down in the snow with only about two feet of water left in it. We think it sprung a leak at some point, or that my little brother shot at it with his bow and arrow.

LizO decided she does not want to be in a relationship with her boyfriend anymore and she sent me a message asking if we could list our relationship status on facebook as 'in a domestic partnership' with one another. I agreed, although it seemed strange. We are also listed as siblings and are karmic/internet siblings. We just celebrated our four hour anniversary.

I'm experiencing a state of brain dead from spending all day editing old livejournal entries in order to make them presentable for the general public.

I also may be experiencing a hypoglycemic crash from three servings of ice cream, which accompanied the butternut squash lasagna my mom made for dinner. Me full. Me want take nap. Me no want go work out on treadmill. Treadmill evil.

the joy of younger siblings - anime

My younger brother and I just spent the last three hours watching a variety of anime shows. The first one we watched was pretty hilarious, it was called Ouran (which every time I see written makes me think I'm reading 'quran'). In this particular show there was a scene where a young girl was fantasizing that she was sitting in a giant teacup, kind of like the ones at Disney[land?]world (I've never been to either so I'm not sure which). Now, I must preface the following scene by telling you all that my brother is infamous for talking constantly during movies, television shows, commercials, etc. and he likes to add his own commentary {especially annoying when you are trying to listen to Whoopie Goldberg's character in The Color Purple and all you hear is "You told Harpo to beat me!"}. So as the scene of the young girl lusting for her lost soul-mate in the giant teacup (anime, remember?) was taking place my brother says:

"I'm in a teacup, bitches! You be jealous?"




This is the part where I internally ::facepalm:: and externally laugh for five minutes straight, which usually just encourages my brother to repeat the line several more times until it is no longer funny.

The second anime we watched was called Sgt. Frog. When I asked my brother what it was about he said:

"Aliens. Who are also frogs."

Very helpful.

I feel bad for the adults in this household, as all they've heard for the past three days is, "MY SACK!", and, "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno F***!", from the Bill O'reilly freakout techno remix (we spend a lot of time on Youtube)...




Alas...earwax.

flash forward - today

I'm going to take some time out to blog about things that are happening in my life currently, although I am eager to finish my tale of the Epic Roadtrip and my first Rainbow Gathering. I will eventually be telling the story of what I did after I dropped out of college the first time, the Buddhist retreat center where I volunteered (and the cast of characters I met there), my various other odd jobs and roadtrips, and eventually the discovery of the love of my life; a retreat center called Omega, where I have worked for the past two years. There are enough stories about Omega to fill hundreds of blog entries, but we'll get to that later.

Right now I'd like to start off by explaining that I am currently bumming around my parents' house until April. I was down south doing a variety of different things, but we'll get to that in another post. I have a brother who is ten years younger than me and quite the character. He is extremely vocal about his opinions of things and often very critical of, well, pretty much everything. Unfortunately, he has some strange mannerisms which often get him made fun of at school.

Recently he has been complaining that some kid in his P.E. class has been trying to cop a feel of his sack. Two days in a row this has happened since I've been back in Ohio, and yesterday he told me that he hit a student in the head with a hardback book because, "He kept trying to touch me innappropriately". Today my step-dad informed me that the middle school called because my brother again hit the same kid with a heavy textbook. My brother's answer to why he did this was, "He tried to touch my manboobs". When my mother got home from work she sprinted down the hallway and yelled, "I got to use the word 'manboob' while talking to Cole's principal today!". A ten minute discussion of bullying, school procedures, and manboobs then ensued. I sat quietly in my room and wondered how many other families in the world acted as strange as mine.

***edit***

I failed to mention that since my little brother watched the Nostalgia Critic's review of 'Ernest Saves Christmas' (and subsequently forced me to watch it) we have been running around tormenting the parents by yelling, "MY SACK!". You'd have to either see the movie or the review (preferebly the review) in order to find this fully funny. That is all.

the adventure continues - flashback to 2007 pt. 2 (electric bugaloo)

Our next stop on our epic road trip was the famous (or infamous if you have ever been a high school student) town of Hannibal, Missouri. Nick, Dina and I had amassed plans to do more adventuring on our way down to the Gathering in Arkansas than Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn ever had. Unfortunately, the weather had other plans and mercilessly rained almost every day of our first two weeks. Initially this did not bother us, particularly while we were in Hannibal. Hannibal is a quaint little Mississippi River town with quaint little people who have quaint little southern accents. It is not too touristy to deter the average traveler, but touristy enough to keep one entertained for a day or two, and the people who live there are as nice as any Midwesterners (nicer than those fake Midwesterners of the Great Lakes region). When people asked us what we could possibly find interesting in a small town like Hannibal my cousin Nick would quickly answer, "We're looking for a guy named Tom Sawyer, have you seen him?", and Dina and I would try our best to nod our heads in agreement without cracking a smile. Most people didn't even bat an eyelash at our Cleveland-style sarcasm, even when Nick announced that Dina's real name was Gretchen Butkhess. One woman who owned a gallery on the main strip (which is actually only about six buildings long) even invited us to camp in her backyard and use her shower, after we told her our harrowing tale of urban camping. We being the now-seasoned survivalists that we were declined her offer, citing vaguely that we could simply pull off to the side of the road and camp in the woods.



The sporadic bursts of rain that day made it nearly impossible for us to do anything outdoors for any amount of time, so we found ourselves running in and out of the shops on the local main strip, meeting the shop owners and talking to locals. By the grace of Mark Twain's ghost, however, the sky eventually cleared up long enough for us to bring out the guitars and play some music on the sidewalk, in an attempt to earn a few extra dollars for gas. The only problem with this scenario was that we seemed to be the only people in Hannibal who didn't actually live there.




We sat on a bench and watched some local youths beat each other up and skateboard around. Dina played some of her super hippie folksongs and we sang along with gusto. Suddenly a very large and very clean looking family approached us, headed by a 'Dad' figure who looked like he was a lot of fun. The motley crew surrounded our bench and listened to Dina finish her song, and then Dad introduced himself and his brood of two children, one niece, one wife, a brother and sister-in-law, and some friends of the kids. Then he asked if he could sit down and play music with us. Dina handed her guitar over and we were soon engaged in an epic John Mayer singalong. We played quite a few songs together, chatted about our mutual travels, and formed the strange sort of kindship that can only be formed when strangers get brave and decide to interact. Eventually we had to part, as all good things must end. We needed to find a place to sleep before nightfall. We said goodbye and thanked one another for the music and laughs shared, and all went on our merry ways.

That night we chose to pull off to the side of the highway and pitch our tent in a turnaround picnic sort of area. There was a rowdy-sounding bar across the highway (it was one of those two-lane county highways in the middle of nowhere) which worried us quite a bit, and a sign that clearly said, 'No Camping', but we were rebels and rules didn't apply to us. Nick, ever-prepared for danger (and man things in general) packed several katanas and a large hunting knife, because he felt he would need them at some point during our stay at a large peace gathering. They came in handy during this night of suspense and terror, however, so Dina and I were emotionally indebted to him for the time being.

So there we were, sleeping on the side of a highway in the tiny, leaking tent (it had started to rain once more), spooning each other and the katana as we listened to rowdy drunks and semi trucks in the world outside of our nylon bubble of safety.

The next morning was grey, rainy, and cold. Three of my least favorite things to wake up to, especially when there is only a thin layer of cloth separating me from it. Nick and Dina, I would come to find, liked to sleep in quite a bit, so this was the first of many mornings in which I was awake long before they were. My only options for filling the time at this point were to sit in the car and watch the rain or brave the rain in order to find a gas station that sold hot coffee. I chose the latter. When I returned with two steaming hot cups I set one aside for my slumbering buddies and since there was no room for me to do anything but spoon them back at the tent I decided to sit in the car and listen to NPR while enjoying my coffee. A couple of hours later Nick and Dina finally stirred. The rain had slowed to a trickle, my clothes had nearly dried, and the coffee was cold. Nevertheless, we pulled ourselves together and pressed on.

At this point of the journey I was beginning to feel a bit like this:



Nick and Dina didn't seem to be doing much better, but from my perspective in that moment I saw them as having some sort of secret bond that kept them going. They were both amazing musicians and artists and had been friends with one another longer than the three of us had been friends as a trio. I felt a twinge of jealousy stirring in my depths and it was only dried out by the sunny afternoon weather that greeted us as we stopped to eat buffalo burgers in some dinky cafe.

Luckily our waitress was knowledgeable about the area and when she discovered we were out of towners she suggested we visit a city called Columbia. She said it was a small college town and we'd probably have luck busking there. She was correct, because several people in Columbia took pity on us and threw bills in our guitar case as we sang our hearts out that day. The rain seemed to be holding off for the most part, although the clouds did not hesitate to threaten us with an ominous darkness every now and then. If I remember correctly we made about $50 that day before the storefront owners kicked us out for attracting street people and amassing a crowd.

The most auspicious part of our visit to Columbia came when we decided to walk around and explore. Dina was singing at the top of her lungs some old Appalachian tune as we strolled down the street, and suddenly the people in front of us turned around and stopped to look at us. By some twist of fate it was the daughter and niece of the family we'd met in Hannibal the day before! They were so excited to see us, and we were so excited to see them, they grabbed our hands and dragged us to a restaurant window front where the rest of the family were eating. We pounded on the window and Dad came running out to greet us with a beaming smile. We couldn't believe our good fortune that day, making enough money for a sleezy motel and seeing our friends from the day before. Things were beginning to look sunny, despite the grey sky...