Raw, Un-edited

Today I feel like a failure and it is only 7:30am. I have been feeling like this for the whole week, riding on the coattails of my Penache Desai self-love high. It's not that I hate myself, I just realize that by Western society's standards I'm a complete failure. Here are the reasons I am a failure:

1. I don't have a passport and have not traveled around the world.
2. I don't have a college degree.
3. I don't have a 'real' job in which I get paid real money.
4. I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore.
5. I have nothing to show for 24 years of life except crazy experiences.
6. I can't keep a relationship for more than a couple of weeks.
7. I don't excel at anything in particular and have yet to find my secret, hidden talent.
8. I suck at being a human being.
9. I am still slightly overweight, despite years of living in vegetarian communities. I realize that this is due to my love of sweets and a voracious appetite.
10. I can't seem to make it to morning yoga on a regular basis. In fact, I don't even think I've been to morning yoga once this year, only evening yoga.
11. I'm slowly sinking into debt every moment that I live.
12. I don't have a home. I live in a tent. I love it, but others view it as inappropriate.


I can't think of any other self-abusive things to write at the moment because I thought of several reasons why I'm happier than ever (albeit stressed about money):

1. I live in a tent, outside, in the woods, with nature.
2. I have 200+ really amazing friends who are part of my soul family.
3. Today I get to spend four hours with a toddler building sand castles on the beach.
4. Tonight I get to work Campus Support, which I love.
5. Until October 15 I have a place to live and food, as long as I keep working here.
6. I've seen more of the United States than most people who grew up in this country.
7. I got to meet Wavy Gravy!

So I couldn't think of an equal amount of positive things to balance the shitty feelings I'm having about myself lately, but at least I found half as many. I feel like I wouldn't be so miserable if I stopped comparing my life to other people's and thinking I need to do what my friends and family back in Ohio have done or are doing with their lives. Ohio is cursed. I hope it explodes so I can stop worrying about it. There it is. Raw and un-edited, how I feel right now.