Amandasaurus Rex

Fire, fire, fire!

2012-01-22T14:58:00.000-08:00

Today I burned some old journals with my brother. As part of a declaration of transformation I am ridding myself of old burdens and starting anew. New tattoo, new journal, new state, new job, new adventure.

I'm leaving for Colorado tonight, with a layover in Chicago in which I will catch up with an old friend from my college days, then on to Glenwood Springs. Melissa is picking me up from the station in Colorado and we're going to soak in the hot springs before heading back down to Avon.

New year.

http://youtu.be/QHjgcE4YYsQ

I miss my K'naan music! He's a poet for the people.

strip away the layers and reveal your soul

2012-01-11T15:05:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up feeling defeated. Every night since coming back home I have had strong emotional nightmares. Sometimes they are about being trapped somewhere I used to be, sometimes they are about a person I used to be friends with, other times I am awakened in the middle of the night with a paralyzing fear and worry, but cannot remember the nature of the dreams. Last night at around midnight my solar plexis area began to cramp up so badly it felt like I was being stabbed, and I could not sleep. It was painful to breathe and move much, but when I got up to walk around the pain seemed to subside. I drank a glass of milk, at something, and went back to sit in bed. Eventually I was able to sleep again. I woke up feeling tired both physically and mentally.

No matter how much I rest I am still exausted. I don't know if it is the grey winter weather or something more serious. I seem to go through this every time I come back to Ohio.

Not long after waking up I watched a video of a friend singing a song. It was a very beautiful and funny performance. After watching the video, however, I felt an overwhelming self-hatred toward myself for not being equally as beautiful, talented, and performance-oriented. Thankfully, my friend Mo came to the rescue with a link to her ridiculous youtube animated series, Roc and Mo. It cheered me up pretty quick, her sense of humor is subtle but insane. Here is a link to one of the videos:

http://youtu.be/0btZuGh4RmI

2012-01-08T12:00:00.001-08:00

Good things on the horizen, I think.

Like a G-6

2012-01-04T10:23:00.000-08:00

Let it be known that I don't actually know what 'like a g-6' means. Aside from my latest rampant obsession with dub-step music (don't ask, just accept) I've taken to daydreaming about large, colorful knitted sweaters. Like Cosby sweaters.

Have you ever just wanted to get on your bike and go? Just go start a business? I would sell mangoes...and Arby's sandwiches.

My cat has taken to my brother's discarded sweater vest. She is convinced that it is her new bed. None of us have the heart to move her, however, because she looks so darned adorable.

The End

It's 2012, Bitches!

2012-01-01T14:15:00.000-08:00

One of my goals for 2012, I decided a few months ago, is to learn to play banjo. I've wanted to learn for a couple of years now but due to the expense of the actual banjo I've put it off. Today my friend Allison said she dreamt she was playing banjo last night, and that she thinks it's time to learn to play. She will be moving to Asheville, NC soon, home of banjo playin' and Appalachian music, and I can foresee us attending many a hootenany when I visit her. Asheville is kind of crunchy kid paradise, many aspire to end up there working on some organic farm or attending Warren Wilson. I wouldn't mind laying low in the Blue Ridge mountains, attending to Spirit Bear and the music.

Another of my goals is to ride an elephant at the Cleveland zoo this year. I would rather ride a giraffe, but apparently they don't allow that. I don't see why not. Giraffes seem better equipped to handle a saddle.

My little pink heart just exploded as I listened to this new song from Tinariwen:

Perfect way to bring in the new year.

Marriage Proposal

2011-12-31T08:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Stevie Ray Vaughan,

Will you please marry me?

Sincerely,
Amanda

Back 'Home' In Ohio!

2011-12-28T16:27:00.000-08:00

I escaped the torments of Jobcorps and the fierce cold of Maine, yay! I will have to give a reader's digest update on how I came to be back at my parents' home in Ohio:

I finished the basic nursing course to be a nursing assistant, but the certificate is only valid in Maine, a state which I am not from and did not willingly move to and did not plan to stay in. Originally I was going to take the culinary course, the culinary certificate being valid anywhere in the world for entry-level positions, but the program was full so I was placed in CNA.

Once I finished I was urged to apply to the local community college. I was very unhappy and discombobulated in Maine, so I made a split decision to buy a bus ticket back home to see my family for Christmas. I arrived in Cleveland two days before Christmas. The next morning I awakened to unfamiliar surroundings and it took me a moment to realize where I was. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than waking up far, far away from a place that was a personal nightmare, realizing you are someplace familiar and warm and loving, and that it is Christmas Eve morning. Although I've had several nightmares about being back at Jobcorps (it wasn't that bad, but I can't stand being anyplace where I'm told what to do and treated like a stupid, insubordinate child) I wake up every morning more happy than I have in months. I'll miss ma bitches Tricia and Tishnisa for sure, since all of my childhood friends from Ohio have moved away, but I spend most of my time with my family anyways.

Although I consider New York state to be my grown-up person home, Ohio is the place I run away to when I'm done with one of my adventures, or preparing to embark on one of them. Right now the plan is to stay for a semester of college in order to stave off student loan payments while making money to pay off student loans (If I gave any person reading this advice it would be to NEVER take out student loans, ever). I can already feel the travel itch, however, and if something else comes up I won't complain...Living in Amish country with no vehicle or public transit is only quaint for a couple of weeks.

Of course, the lesson I have learned from all of this, once again, is to never follow what appears to be the path of money, but to always follow my bliss. My bliss has thus far led me to some beautiful, incredible places, and I don't doubt my soul's judgement on any experience. I think life must be lived from the soul, fully conscious of every moment.

Folk Music

2011-11-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

Today's musician is Buffy St. Marie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bKutgdh-rg

Occupying Bangor

2011-10-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

Bangor Maine just got a lot cooler! I'm currently in downtown with TT representing the 99%

I hate bangor ME

2011-10-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

I've got nine minutes to tell you all how much I hate this place and hope the world ends on Oct. 28th, as my little brother keeps trying to tell my mother it will. I wish I had stayed at Omega and continued to be a homeless vagabond. What I will have gained when I leave here is probably $1000, which I could have made in half the time if I were working at a ski resort, and I'd be ten times happier. If any of you are thinking of making a decision based on a need for money or material security, don't do it. It is better to be happy and feed your soul than to be miserable and lose it. Follow your bliss. Don't listen to what anyone else tells you about how you should live your life. Fuck them, they are all miserable and want others to be miserable too.

PS: I hope the world ends via god farting on the earth and poisoning everyone with noxious fumes.

Land of Kings

2011-10-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

I left New Hampshire and the house of Wetsy's parents two weeks ago for the comforts of Jobcorps. For those of you who do not know what Jobcorps is, it is a government training facility for low-income people ages 16-24. We live on the campus, abide by very strict rules and regulations, receive free meals and career training in one of three basic fields: Culinary, Medical/Business, Facilities Maintenance, and take classes on how to be grown-up contributing members of society.

I felt that I was drowning in my life and unable to find secure employment, so I decided to apply for this program. Because I am considered low-income I was accepted. At first it was quite an adjustment to go from super hippy land where everyone loves one another and is a community of conscious, socially-aware individuals to the land of high school mentalities. It's growing on me though. Aside from the shitty music and mostly nutritionless food I am getting used to the yelling, fighting, f-bomb dropping campus of 300 or so students. One of the things they emphasize is to not get caught up in the 'drama'. Drama is a word that is thrown around a lot, and it is always suggested that new students don't get caught up in it. Despite the drama the students are usually friendly and talkative. There aren't really 'cliques' like a normal high school environment, although many of the students are only 16 or 17, or come directly from high school. Almost everyone talks to everyone, and although the deep friendships of my previous life do not exist, there are many valuable surface acquaintances that make daily life pleasant.

I have so far made one close friend and we have gotten in the habit of taking long walks into town after class. The other day we walked to Stephen King's house, which was less impressive than his wrought iron fence, and saw the friendliest little black cat. It ran right across the street to us when I called it and began rubbing against our legs. Today we walked about four miles in the pouring rain to the library so that we could access the websites that are blocked through the campus computers (such as blogger and facebook). The downtown area of this city is a very cute typical New England prototype. It is more beautiful now that fall is here and the leaves are changing.

On campus many hilarious scenarios happen and my friend and I have mentioned the need to write a book of short stories about our time here. There are many strong personalities and characters at Jobcorps. Today one kid came into the Dining Commons completely covered in a black garbage bag, except for a small circle where his face was poking out. For some reason the sight of this was more hilarious than it would be outside of JC. He walked into the hot line and when he needed to grab a food tray he thrust his hand through the side of the plastic to rip an arm hole in the garbage bag raincoat.

Just a few days ago one of my fellow students' girlfriend, who is in culinary, handed him a celery 'flower', aka the base of a bunch of celery that had been chopped off. When she left he said, "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?". Later, when we left the DC we saw a group of youngsters playing hacky sack with the celery flower. As we passed by one of the youngsters almost kicked it at my friend's face. Only at Jobcorps.

During my first week here I stumbled back into my dorm wing after a long, boring day of CPP classes (career prep) and one of my wing-mates came in behind me and began to chant, "Stop! Don't touch me there, these are my private squares!". I laughed and highly appreciated the laugh.

The coffee here is said to be shitty, but I think it is a little better than Omland's Dining Hall coffee. Definitely not better than Om Cafe though! The food can't be compared. Omega has the BEST food in the world, maybe second to Yogaville or Kripalu.

I'm very excited because Monday is my first nursing class. I get to stand in line at the clothing closet to receive my scrubs at 6:45am sharp! I can't wait to get a picture of myself in the scrubs so I can post it all over this blog, facebook, and...I don't know, send it to my family. "Look at me, I am gaining useful jobskills! See, I'm not just wandering around the country like a vagabond! I'm doing something with my life!".

Who knows.

In Bob We Trust

2011-09-16T13:09:00.001-07:00

As Bob takes over the world...Things get better. If you'd like to assist Bob in taking over more than just the foodworks department please visit the following website:

http://www.bobis.us/

Miss Kitty Kill! Kill! Kill!

2011-09-16T08:22:00.001-07:00

My mom recently sent me an email with two pictures attached to it. The first picture was of a curtain tassle, very nice and decorative. The second picture was of a curtain tassle that had been completely devastated. In this email she told me of how she came home one day to find bits and pieces of tassle laying all over the floor, and our brooding black cat Cloe sitting next to a mass of golden threads. Cloe was glaring, as is her usual countenance, but my mom suspected foul play and a set up. Luckily, a couple of feet away she saw our other cat, Miss Kitty, the little hellian. Miss Kitty happened to be covered in golden tassle strings, in fact they were hanging out of her mouth. Once again she'd tried to blame Cloe for her dirty work. Here are the before and after pictures:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

OhMahGah!

2011-09-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

SEANANNERS!!!

Chocolatecaohigh

2011-09-14T19:30:00.001-07:00

Betsy is an idiot and decided to make a chocolate cao and almond milk with honey beverage at 9pm, so now she is WIRED. I'm going to tell you a caffeine induced story now:

Once upon a time Disabled Santa decided he wanted to go to the thrift store to purchase some new clothing.

When he arrived at the thrift store he was inundated with rows and rows of Cosby sweater, as far as the eye could see.

He became very excited at the sight of all of the beautifully patterned sweaters he had to choose from, but when he reached his hand out to grab the scratchy nylon cable-knit of one of them a rabid wolf spider jumped out of the sleeve opening!

The rabid wolf spider stared Santa down. He wasn't going to give up his Cosby Sweater without a fight.

Inevitably, an evil robot riding a dinosaur came swooping into the thrift store...

The robot dismounted, used his magic powers to turn the thrift store into a children's birthday party, then proceeded to beat up all of the children present.

Once the children were unconscious the evil robot was out of a job, so he had to resort to turning tricks on the street corner outside of the thrift store.

Eventually Satan came and forced a bunch of people into an old wooden barrel, wherein he then proceeded to flail them with switches from a Christmas tree.

THE END!

WetsyleavesforSanFran

2011-09-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

Betsy is now all alone, living at Wetsy's parents' house by herself (with the parents). Wetsy left for grand adventure back in SF. Betsy didn't make any immediate life plans, aside from leaving spiritual community for the real world, so is now waiting to hear back from culinary school. Betsy has decided to attend culinary school on a government scholarship because going to school to be an archaeologist was costing too much money and Betsy's real family is poor and unable to assist her. She plans on eventually going to school to study something ancient that also has to do with digging in the dirt, but she might decide to study sustainable agriculture because she just loves digging in the dirt and finding treasures, such as purple potatoes at the Bethel Farm yoga center.

That was another magical moment in my new Life without LizO: Sahaja, kirtan leader of Omland, happened to be staying with her brother just down the road so I tagged along as her roadie/groupie for a kirtan event about 45min away at Bethel Farm Yoga Center. The center is run by a couple who teach Jivamukti style yoga, have two young children, some chickens, a dog, a kitty, and two organic gardens. They also have an incredible yoga studio, a cabin, and a farm house on their property. The event was magical, one of the most powerful kirtans I've experienced outside of Ecstatic Chant, and it was coupled by an intense (or, as I have been told unusually easy) Jivamukti yoga class, which has left me mostly incapacitated. I was in a state of revelrie all of Saturday night. They also have really great coffee (cafe Bustelo!). Living on the property and offering workshops are two more women, yoga teachers and chefs, one an herbalist with amazing posture. I kind of live for Bethel Farm right now. I want to volunteer/work/teach/learn there some day. I was blessed with an afternoon of digging up magical purple potatoes in one of the gardens, which eventually entailed a baby vole rescue mission.

Today Wetsy's parents took Betsy on a hike up a sweetass mountain. My Capricorn rising/inner mountain goat (you choose your fantasy) was joyous at the opportunity to clamber over huge boulders and sidle along small cliffs. Then the adopted parents bought Betsy an ice cream cone and she looked at some animals. I love living the life of a small child with the parents I never had. We even drove an antique Fiat convertable. I don't know if there are non-convertable Fiat's, as I have never seen a Fiat in my life before now. I'm living the privelaged life nowadays. Last winter I was retired, hanging out with Izzie and the 50+ crowd, now I'm nine years old. Can somebody please commit my life to memory for future generations of irreverent jesters? Thanks.

BoppingaroundNewHampshire

2011-08-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

The month of August has been pretty amazing. LizO, my perpetual partner in crime, came to work on campus for family week and we mildly terrorized everyone (psychically, with Freaksha blessings) for two weeks. Then I decided to leave with her and stay at her parents' house in New Hampshire. So now Betsy and Wetsy are living out their karmic sibling debt to the earth, real-life twin sisters embodying their contrasting personalities.

We are attempting to create a daily spiritual practice for ourselves while building up the empire of absurdity, but from the very first day we were here we both became very disorganized and overwhelmed. Without the safety of the community I've lived in since mid-May and the familiarity of my tent I think I went into shock. Sleeping in a bed was way too much of a luxury! This has been quelled by my insistence on pushing through and finding out what all of these emotions that are coming up have to say to me. There's a lot of sadness at leaving the community but I made the decision based on a need to start making money. Now that I no longer have that security of money I thought I would have while here I have moments of panic, because I am pretty much as well off as I was when I started only without the familiar surroundings. I'm used to sudden and extreme change though. I made a lot of absurd and not so well thought out decisions for my life's path.

Last winter I decided to WWOOF in the Florida Keys, thinking it would be an amazing, transformative, fun experience. It certainly was transformative, but in the typical Betsy-esque fashion that my life seems to adhere to it was not even remotely fun. It was a challenge. Who would have thought that choosing to be in paradise could be so lonely and hellish. That decision made me realize that no matter what decisions I make for my life I am most likely going to end up going it alone. So even though Betsy and Wetsy are spending this time freaking out and erratically chanting in Julia Child voices, eventually we will have to part ways and go out on our own again. At least we have T-rex kundalini yoga...see our future videos for an explanation.

Consciousnessintostardust

2011-08-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

A friend and member of the community was in a motorcycle accident this last Friday and due to injuries suffered from the accident he has had to have his left leg amputated from the knee down. Many of us have spent time crying and emoting over this, myself included, although my tears are not of sadness for his 'fate', but rather a releasing of the appreciation and happiness I have for this community who care for and hold one another through our struggles.

We are often assholes to each other, as family often are, but when it comes time to step up and be there many of us are able to be present.

I've been extremely sensitive to everything lately, energy and emotions, loud noises, excited people, large crowds...This has exacerbated my emotions about Charlie's accident and I can't handle hearing about him without crying, even though all of the reports are that he's doing well and in good spirits. Everything just feels a million times more intense to me right now and I'm remaining open to it and accepting it without judgement. Just observing and embracing it as a part of me. I also have incredible managers and co-workers who have held space and made arrangements for me to have the day off.

This all started last Monday when I woke up feeling like all of my energy channels were wide open and I was exhausted immediately upon waking up. I was exhausted the next day, and the third day I was incredibly sensitive to everything to the point where I could barely function. It has gotten more then less intense in various waves, depending on the hour and day and events. Today is a huge day of processing. I'm going to go to Tai Chi sword class later, make a card to send to Charlie at the hospital, do some intense journaling and processing, energy work, and relaxing. I don't think any of this would be available to me outside of here. I would have to have the balls to take it myself.

Raw, Un-edited

2011-07-31T04:36:00.000-07:00

Today I feel like a failure and it is only 7:30am. I have been feeling like this for the whole week, riding on the coattails of my Penache Desai self-love high. It's not that I hate myself, I just realize that by Western society's standards I'm a complete failure. Here are the reasons I am a failure:

1. I don't have a passport and have not traveled around the world.
2. I don't have a college degree.
3. I don't have a 'real' job in which I get paid real money.
4. I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore.
5. I have nothing to show for 24 years of life except crazy experiences.
6. I can't keep a relationship for more than a couple of weeks.
7. I don't excel at anything in particular and have yet to find my secret, hidden talent.
8. I suck at being a human being.
9. I am still slightly overweight, despite years of living in vegetarian communities. I realize that this is due to my love of sweets and a voracious appetite.
10. I can't seem to make it to morning yoga on a regular basis. In fact, I don't even think I've been to morning yoga once this year, only evening yoga.
11. I'm slowly sinking into debt every moment that I live.
12. I don't have a home. I live in a tent. I love it, but others view it as inappropriate.

I can't think of any other self-abusive things to write at the moment because I thought of several reasons why I'm happier than ever (albeit stressed about money):

1. I live in a tent, outside, in the woods, with nature.
2. I have 200+ really amazing friends who are part of my soul family.
3. Today I get to spend four hours with a toddler building sand castles on the beach.
4. Tonight I get to work Campus Support, which I love.
5. Until October 15 I have a place to live and food, as long as I keep working here.
6. I've seen more of the United States than most people who grew up in this country.
7. I got to meet Wavy Gravy!

So I couldn't think of an equal amount of positive things to balance the shitty feelings I'm having about myself lately, but at least I found half as many. I feel like I wouldn't be so miserable if I stopped comparing my life to other people's and thinking I need to do what my friends and family back in Ohio have done or are doing with their lives. Ohio is cursed. I hope it explodes so I can stop worrying about it. There it is. Raw and un-edited, how I feel right now.

Stupid Hippy Magic

2011-07-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

My Omega twin sister Wetsy is going to be coming back to campus in a few days after a year-long adventure in the Bay Area. During her time on the West Coast she formed a band, made a CD, increased her empire of absurdity a hundredfold and acquired many stuffed ponies. Now she will be returning to give Freaksha blessings to everyone on campus. Supposedly there will be a Bingeing with the Buddha season 2 as well.

I have been floating the last few weeks, which has allowed me to see how many different departments on campus function. So far Production and Cafe are my favorite. I'm working in Cafe tonight, after I babysit a small child for a few hours. This is good because I will be getting paid for this. I will also be watching the small child tomorrow morning before work. Money is good. I need money.

I'm planning on applying to Warren Wilson college for the Spring 2012 semester but I'm not getting my hopes up since I usually fail at anything that involves college. Something always goes wrong, and I'm not even going to fall into the trap of believing that things go wrong because I manifest wrongness. I'm just cursed, or not meant to have a higher education. Speaking of being cursed, I've been really moody lately, mostly due to the early arrival of my moon. Also due to the fact that I feel like my life is worthless and I haven't done anything with it. Beverly wants to give me some sort of counseling session about my future path and career in life, but I don't think it will give me any information, since such counsel never has helped me in the past. The other night I asked Marcy what career path I should take and she drew some tarot cards and came to the conclusion that I shouldn't worry about it because whatever I do will be okay. That doesn't help me, since I need to make money, as we discussed before I need money, money is good. Stupid tarot cards. Stupid esoteric, spiritual bullshit. If I didn't believe in stupid hippy magic I wouldn't have so many problems in my life. Oh, I'm totally making that my new facebook status...

Dangit...

2011-07-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

Why am I sitting in the MediaWorks office at 2am updating my blog?? Today consisted of laughs and giraffes, and chillin' and Bob Dylan. Actually, none of those things happened. I did jump into someone's pool though. I don't know the owners, but I asked nicely and they said 'what the hell'. So, what the hell. It never hurts to ask for what you want in life.

What if no one's watching? what if when we're dead we are just dead?

2011-07-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to find info on the Flotilla 'Audacity of Hope' because one of my heroes, Alice Walker is on it. Actually, everyone who joins a flotilla is my hero.

My ear infection is almost gone, I could swallow pieces of toast without being in pain! It's so exciting to be able to eat like a normal person again. Serra and Will let me stay in their extra trailer with AC and a real bed. It was so nice, although I love living outside and sleeping on the earth.

Jasper leaves today so I'll be alone in my tent again :( but I'm planning on recruiting cuddle buddies (or kidnapping a baby bear, which might end in disaster, or kidnapping Carnita, my friend Renata's adorable kitty). Carnita is my inspiration for living right now.

Being sick really knocked me on my ass and kept me from obsessively watching Democracynow! and Aljazeera and such. I don't know if I want to know what's going on in the world. The safe bubble of Omz is always appealing, but my life is a life of service and if I don't know where my energy needs to be directed I end up...getting ear infections and chasing p-pants down the road and beating on their windows with my shoes.

Last night while in the ACed trailer I wrote a new song (hopefully soon to be released on my youtube channel) and played my new favorite song 'Breathe 2am' ("2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake, can you help me unravel my latest mistake; I don't love him, and winter just wasn't my season").

It's a beautiful, hot, sunny summer day out and I need to get outside and enjoy it to the fullest.

OHHHhhh, oHHHooh, AND....The last Harry Potter movie is coming out this Friday and Will, Serra and a bunch of us are going to the midnight showing.

Jester power invoked.

Garlic Ear-Things that float-Time passes

2011-07-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

Yet again I find myself lax in updating you on my life. Mostly this is because I feel i do the same things multiple times a week and it is not worth my mentioning them after a certain point. In fact, many interesting things have happened. I am now in the Float department at the Omz. Yesterday was my last day at the WLC. It was rather anti-climatic. I suppose I thought I'd be saving the world by working there, but in actuality I was just driving myself completely insane.

I've also been sick with a variety of mysterious illnesses in the past few weeks. At first I thought it was lyme disease because I was incredibly tired for about two weeks. It went away for about three days and then I started having sharp pain in my ear, which quickly turned into pain in my throat, which soon turned into both sides of my throat so swolen I couldn't swallow my own spit, open my mouth properly, speak easily, breathe at night, etc. Of course, since I have never had medical insurance in my life (I come from a working-class family, such things are quite the luxury), I just seem to continuously accrue medical debt that I can never pay off. It sickens me to think of the number of people who become so ill that they need serious treatments that they can't pay for, and so they end up bankrupt because of their need to pay these medical bills that are so incredibly exhorbitant.

My friend, who grew up in New Zealand, is visiting this week and she told me that in NZ you can visit the doctor for about $15 and that all perscriptions are filled for about $5. That sounded really excellent. Maybe someday the United State could have some sort of system like that? And then people wouldn't have to die with the guilt of not paying off their medical bills.

For now I am working on homeopathic treatments for what I believe is an ear infection. I am refusing to visit a doctor because A) I don't have the money, and B) There are people who literally DIE because they cannot afford something as simple as a trip to the doctor. I would rather die than pay the fucking corporate pigs their money. They can try to suck everyone else in this country dry, but my life is not important enough for me to lay down like an abused dog and let them beat me. I'm going to go out fighting.

MEDICAL CARE SHOULD BE AFFORDABLE FOR EVERY PERSON ALIVE.

Fuck all the bullshit.

Okay, crazy ranting done. Oh, I chased a p-pant down in a thunderstorm and beat the window of his fucking SUV with my shoe because he sped down Lake Dr. and soaked my friend with a wall of water. I yelled at him and used the F word and phrases that began with 'You DO NOT...' and 'EVER!!!'. It felt therapeutic.

Also, in other me-related news, I'm following the flotilla 'audacity of hope', on which one of my heroes, Alice Walker, is a passenger/activist.

Also, there is a small chunk of garlic in my ear right now because some homeopathic website said that this was a good idea. Sometimes I think my life would be novel-worthy, but then I remember that it really isn't.

A Bear Story

2011-06-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

"In the balletic embrace, magnetic and graceful in the bear's insatiable shadow"

While walking down a dirt road with my friend Melissa we were suddenly stopped mid-sentence, mesmerized by the appearance of the a black bear. It was the first I'd ever seen outside of my dreams, where I have seen them most of my life. It was a fair distance away, but with its excellent hearing and sense of smell it took notice of us and stopped to look while we stopped to gawk at it. After a few moments of watching each other the bear carried on through the field and disappeared into the woods.

The experience was terrifying and amazing. I have been afraid of bears since I was a child and we lived in a farmhouse near Leroy, Ohio, where many bears began making their return migration after several decades, maybe centuries, of not being present in that area. Now I live in upstate New York and since 2009 when I first moved here I knew there were black bears that moved though the area every spring. People would casually say, "Yeah, I saw a bear the other day", and because everyone was very accepting of the presence of the bears I began to become less afraid of them. I never had an encounter of my own for the following two years, until now.

For the past few nights walking to my tent in the dark has been a frightening experience. I was afraid I'd startle any potential bears chilling out in the woods and they'd become aggressive and defensive. Last night I was cat sitting (a whole separate story) and I couldn't sleep well, partially due to the cats, and partially because I was not in my tent, laying on the ground, in the woods (with the bears).

Today I decided to change my office computer background to a picture of a black bear and I am reading all of the information I can about black bears. I'm hoping to integrate this experience since I've been dreaming of bears since I was a child living in Ohio, terrified to go outside and play in the woods alone. In the dreams I would be walking in an abandoned or sparsely populated street crossing, usually with a traffic light. The bear would be walking around on the streets, not paying attention to anybody, and nobody in the dream seemed to notice the bear or be afraid of it but me.

During my first year in NY I was working with an energy healer and counselor (we were cleaning bathrooms at a retreat center) about my bear dreams, as well as my dreams of other large, scary animals, and she pointed out that the animals were probably present to protect me or help me to integrate the qualities that I needed as a child to handle certain situations that the animals had and I did not. I realized that the bears were showing up in my dreams because they represented strength, independence, bravery, mothering, love/care for younger generations, protection... A few days before I talked to this woman I'd dreamt about Spirit Bear, the all-white black bear. All of this seemed very auspicious.

Previous to this I lived in Utah and worked as a housekeeper at another retreat center/lodge. I lived near the Grand Staircase Escalante and hiked often and by myself. I was told that there were Grizzly and Kodiak bears in that area of Utah, and as terrified as I was I felt drawn to the bears. It was later that year when I moved to NY that I discovered the music of Mariee Sioux and her song 'Bundles', which takes much imagery from Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes' story of La Loba, and how we all begin as bundles of bones in the desert that need to be collected. There is a part of this song by Mariee Sioux that says, "And there's a grizzly bearing in me, there's a grizzly bearing in me...and in you, and in us and in we...Grizzly paws hide me, and grizzly paws hold me, Grizzly cradles me, raising me like an offering of a bundle of sticks to the sun, to the sun..." It was that image that helped me to further integrate the bears in my waking and dreaming life.

Seeing the black bear the other day and working through these old fears and integrating the bear into my existence by just accepting that we are both animals who belong to the earth is even easier because the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers are here on campus, and their energy is permeating everything. Spirit Bear and I have a lot of work to do before we get there, but I think we're on a happy path thanks to all of these synchronicities.

I'm also getting my reiki level 1 attunement tonight! I'm very excited.

Hungry for Souls

2011-05-31T12:28:00.001-07:00

I went to the production office to get some clipboards for tomorrow's events on campus and while there saw Chris of production carrying out boxes and boxes of CDs. Many of the production staff were peering over these boxes so I intruded. Good thing I did, too, because it turns out Chris is giving away his entire CD collection (he converted to digital). I am now the proud owner of the following artists/albums:

Parliament 1974-1980
Midival Punditz
Nellie McKay-Get Away from Me
Angelique Kidjo-Black Ivory Soul
John Renbourn (!)-The Lady and the Unicorn
Joan Osborne-Relish (my copy is too scratched up to play in most CD players)
The Tank Girl soundtrack
Dead Can Dance-Aion
Afrocelt Soundsystem

I'm pretty excited about this. I'm also pretty hungry. Wish I had a snack on hand...

Mysterious Object in the Sky

2011-05-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

This morning after breakfast I was walking to work and noticed a huge, round, glowing object in the sky. It was emanating heat and light in a capacity that seemed almost nuclear, and I could not identify it. Its presence made me feel warm and joyful.

But what I mean to say is...The sun is out! For the first time in days! Not a cloud in the sky! And it is warm. I'm so excited to go for a walk today!!! (I'm not being excessive with the exclamations, I really am that excited. When you live in a tent and it has been raining for two weeks nearly non-stop, to the point where your tent site becomes water-front property [don't get me wrong, I love my stream] things like sunshine and blue sky are gifts).

I am reminded every day, even the rainy, stormy, cold days; that being here with so many people I love is a gift, and that this is truly paradise.

I may be a bit high from last night's Peace Guild meeting. It was our first meeting and it was amazing. We received empowerment to give Magical Awakening level 1, and Charlie was my partner. I enjoyed giving the healing energy so much, I'd never done anything like that before (mostly because I'm cynical and have refused to believe in energy in the past). It is also really balanced having Brett and Kathy as the teachers for the class, because they both teach quite differently but the different forms of energy work they do really compliment each other.

DID I MENTION THE SUN IS OUT??!!

May Happenings

2011-05-24T13:12:00.001-07:00

I know, I know...I'm a terrible blogger now that I have a life again. After an interesting stint selling giant chocolate bars with my young cousins we made enough money for our trip to Watertown to see Nick and Lovie, and then I was able to get back to Ohmayguh. I've been here for 3 (I think?) weeks, working hard at the Women's In., looking over scholarships, emailing people constantly, staring at the computer screen for eight hours a day...

As much as I appreciate the opportunity to work in this department, I will definitely a) Never work in an office again, and b) Probably go back to housekeeping in future seasons. How did I not consider that I would go completely insane working in the Death Star, with the people who make actual money, instead of out on campus with the other povos? I just keep telling myself that this will look great on my resume. I've been spending all of my days off volunteering in other departments. I got to be loop leader in hsk Sunday. Hasan and I keekeed.

The sky is blue and sunny for the first time in about two weeks. Green trees, nice breeze...This place is heaven! I can't wait to go for a walk around the lake today. 45 more minutes...

Tonight is also my first night of Peace Guild! I'm beyond excited to spend one night a week with Kathy and Brett, the wizards of Om.

Oh, yes, and my tent is no longer leaking as bad as it was the first week. No more puddles of rain water on my blankets. I also have a chest of drawers made from the Staples boxes we received our office supplies order in. My alter and bedside table are made from toilet paper and paper towel boxes from housekeeping(And I live in a cardboard box...).

Change of Plans

2011-05-06T05:54:00.000-07:00

My aunt sent me a message this morning telling me that my cousin Nick would not be coming to Rhinebeck to see us at my place of residence, so we are going to drive to his house in Waterton NY to spend a day with him and his wife. Supposedly we're going to have a girly get together with mango margaritas and a chick flick. Monday morning we'll drive five hours to Rhinebeck so that I can get to work on Tuesday.

Tomorrow we are busy, busy, busy.

Right now I need to get myself into gear and finish my paper that's due on Monday, since I'll be busy all weekend and won't have time to work on it.

2 Days Until NY!

2011-05-05T16:10:00.001-07:00

Alright, I haven't been in a blogging mood very much lately, and in fact, you may notice something different about this blog. This is an old blog from my roadtrip to California three years ago that I decided to revive and import my Guitar Slingin' Vagabond blog into, since I haven't been slinging my guitar as much lately and no longer have the confidence I had when I first returned from Florida in February. Amandasaurus Rex was a persona similar to Galaxia Nervosa, but not quite as irreverent. Slightly more irreverent than Betsy.

I should actually be packing the rest of my belongings right now, since I'm leaving for my Aunt Chris' house tomorrow evening, and we will be spending all day Saturday working on the finishing touches of after prom (aka after birth) decorations. We're going to go into Mentor as well in order to visit Gabrielle, who, apparently is back from Hawaii. Then we will drink copious amounts of Starbucks coffee, return to the trailer, and load up the Redrum Mobile for our nighttime road trip back to Omega/NY.

I'm going to drive all night to get to Omega, that's how much I freaking love it. Hopefully my tent will exist in the woods by the time we arrive, so we have a place to sleep.

In other, more sad news my MP3 player bit the dust yesterday. It's really unfortunate, since I just bought it this winter while down in Key West. It's totally okay though because I only paid $20 for it. Apparently it was on clearance for a reason: It's a cheap piece of crap.

Also, started my Gender, Kin, and Marriage class. This is the first actual core curriculum class I've gotten to take in the years of on and off college and it's enough to keep me paying thousands of dollars for this useless thing called higher education. Oh, and I've had a Tumblr for a while, but Courtknee thinks I should use it more frequently:

http://iamfromearth.tumblr.com/

It's mostly for quotes and music videos I enjoy. I hope you enjoy them too.

Mumble...mumble

2011-04-29T15:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't had the motivation to update much lately. Mostly I'm preparing for my return to Omega in a little over a week. Also finishing up my first course for my degree program. Also trying to make sense of my life, which is in financial shambles.

I've been doing a lot of painting pieces for Julie's company. Hoping to send her a bundle of images soon. Also keeping up with Bahrain's status. A list of prisoners killed was released on Aljazeera today. Listening to Constantina Lopresti's new album (as well as getting used to calling her by her full Sicilian name. I have always known her as Dina Rae). Excited for Beltane, although you can't tell by the tone of my typing. My energy has been crappy since I was sick on Monday.

I'm excited about my road trip to NY! Gas prices make it a little less exciting though.

I'm now fluent in zombie language. I bet you didn't know that.

and then...

2011-04-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

Then she ran outside to the pond and said, "This is MINE!" and waved her hands over the general area of the pond. Then she said, "I'm watching you geese...I'm watching you".

And then a few hours later she randomly said, "Let's go buy some heroin", after the television mentioned herring.

My mother sometimes has bouts of crazy.

He Has Risen...And He's Hungry for Brains!!!

2011-04-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

My family is not Christian, however they still insist on celebrating Easter. Of course, what we are really celebrating is Saturnalia and the ancient fertility rites of Spring. We do this by consuming slaughtered pig (which I will not be partaking in), and various tubers.

I enjoy a good fire and brimstone sermon as much as the next person, but what I don't understand is, if Jesus died this horrible, bloody death and then rose from the dead three days later and started stalking his former disciples why didn't people peg him for what he really was: A zombie. I don't trust anything that bleeds for five to seven days without dying, and I don't trust anyone who is raised from the dead. I've read the Zombie Apocolypse Handbook. I know how to identify a zombie. God can't fool me, I'm onto his games.

Earlier this morning my mom opened the sliding glass door and yelled into the backyard, "Hey! Geese! Go away! Get away from the pond! I'll sick my cats on you! I know you hear me. Don't you walk away from me!"

And thus began another typical holiday with my family.

mukhtar mai's attackers released

2011-04-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

Nine years ago a Pakistani woman named Mukhtar Mai was gang raped by 14 men. This was a legally sanctioned punishment carried out because of a crime her 12-year old brother allegedly committed. When a woman is gang-raped it is seen as an act of dishonor and the woman is then expected to kill herself for creating such dishonor. Mukhtar Mai refused to kill herself, however, and she challenged the Pakistani government, initially bringing six of her attackers to justice. In the wake of her struggle for women's rights she created an organization that now safely harbors other women who have endured similar trauma, Mukhtar Mai Girls Model School, which later expanded to become Mukhtar Mai Women's Welfare Organization.

http://www.mukhtarmaimmwo.com/index.html

Recently, however, it was announced on DemocracyNow! that five of the six men convicted of raping Mukhtar were let go on grounds of insubstantial evidence. This means that five of the 14 men who were involved in gang-raping her will now be set free and allowed to do as they wish. Mukhtar Mai has expressed concern over their release, stating that she fears for her life now that they are free.

As I read this I wondered what we could do to help. First of all, I wrote to Mukhtar Mai's ogranization in order to express my support of her human rights and my desire for her to remain safe. In addition to this I am going to research any petitions in support of Mukhtar, or the legislation of Pakistan's tribal laws that lead to such acts as gang-rape. If you would like to show your support for Mukhtar Mai and the women of pakistan please blog, tweet, and inform others of her story. You may also want to read the book 'Half the Sky', which contains the stories of many women internationally who have been and are subjected to gender-based crimes. In addition to this you can visit the website of Mukhtar Mai's organization, read her memoir, and write to the organization to show your support.

Thank you to everyone who makes the decision to support women's rights. What you are really supporting are our collective human rights.

600 human lives taken from their homes

2011-04-18T15:54:00.000-07:00

The official account has the the number of persons detained/arrested at over 600, a large percentage of which have whereabouts which are still unknown. Four of the detained individuals died in custody early in April. A young woman would rather starve to death than live her life without her family. Thousands from around the world join her by fasting, writing to government representatives and embassy officials, informing news stations of the precious lives quickly disappearing from their own homes, perhaps never to be seen again.

When I wake in the morning, when I pause to stop thinking, when I turn my bedroom light out at night her face haunts me, her words reverberate in my ears. Her eyes are dark and full of fire, the same fire I've seen reflected in my own light eyes when I know I too would die for something. There is no justice in a world where doctors and lawyers working to help people achieve political freedom are among the disappeared, and the world remains silent.

We can discuss why various methods of protest are effective, foolish, or better than others, but discussing methods is not accomplishing anything. People are lying in jail cells, possibly without food, water, or proper sanitation and health care. They were not told why they were violently removed from their homes and their families were not informed of where they were being taken.

"If you're not angry then you're just stupid, you don't care. How else can you react when you know something so unfair, when the men of the hour can kill half the world in war, make them slaves to a super power and let them die poor..." -Ani Difranco

Human life is sacred. Don't let it disappear without a fight.

bahrain human rights update

2011-04-17T09:26:00.000-07:00

I've ended my fast and decided to dedicate my energy to spreading the word about the human rights atrocities occurring in Bahrain. I know that people are suffering in other locations, believe me that I know more than almost anybody, but Zainab has somehow touched me in a way I can't escape. She is in her late 20's, I am in my early 20's. She studied in the Midwest, I grew up in the Midwest. She cares about the rights of human beings, I can see the fire burning in her eyes in the official picture released of her. She's willing to die for the release of her family. I no longer agree with the methods she is using, especially since she has a one year old daughter to take care of, but I feel that she chose this extreme form of protest because Bahraini officials and the world would not listen to any other form of pleas.

I wish I could stand in a populated area and shout to people about what is going on in Bahrain. I wish I could convey to people how horrible it is to watch your loved ones beaten and dragged from your home for no reason. I don't even know this horror personally, but when I imagine any person being treated so cruelly I cannot comprehend. I wish I could hold people by the shoulders and shake them awake, make them care, but I cannot.

human rights: bahrain

2011-04-14T17:19:00.000-07:00

I haven't been very interested in updating my blog lately, or being on the internet in general. There is a lot going on in the world and I often feel overwhelmed by the desire to post on all of the events. Right now I am focusing on the human rights violations happening in Bahrain, and the hunger strike of Zainab Al-Khawaja, a young woman who watched her father and husband beaten and taken away in the middle of the night by Bahraini officials. Starting tomorrow I will be fasting in order to show my solidarity with Zainab and the detainees. Zainab's father was a prominent human rights activist in Bahrain and is just one of many to be taken away, questioned, and tortured by the Bahraini government.

Since I will be starting my personal fast tomorrow tonight's dinner was my last meal. It was Chinese food from the Chinese buffet in town. There isn't much I can eat there since I am a vegetarian and most of the dishes contain meat, but I enjoyed some salad and dessert. I hope to record a few videos regarding my fast and Zainab's fast in order to bring more awareness to this issue.

good morning

2011-04-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_BE6ILStnM

trains and nori rolls (and polynesians)

2011-04-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt that I was at a mega-huge, futuristic train station with my good friend Jenna, and we were looking for her good friend Tommy. For some reason, the side of the station we were one (trains to the right!) was elevated by about a story, creating a loft effect when we looked down and across the eight sets of tracks to the people waiting for trains heading in the other direction (to the left). As I looked down at the people across the tracks I saw a boy I knew when I was in high school, so I shouted his name and asked him if he knew where Tommy was. How I figured he and Tommy knew each other is beyond me, but in dreamland he did. He said Tommy had been doing some work for his father and goofed off too much, so he had to stay longer to finish.

Throughout this dream I heard the roar of trains arriving in the station. Outside of finding Jenna's friend I had no purpose at the train station, although I knew I had originally gone there to take a journey. I soon awoke to the sounds of approaching thunder. So much for trains.

Another dream that I had much earlier in the night was that I was eating nori rolls filled with rice. I had such a strong desire for these rolls. Luckily, when I awoke I was able to eat a nori roll, although the rice we had leftover was curry rice. Still tasted delicious.

The third and final dream I can remember having last night was of a Polynesian couple. They were young, about my age, and they seemed to be going through something, like an illness. This is not so unusual because yesterday I had a friend tell me that someone she knew might have cancer, and I later told another friend that we should have been born into a Polynesian culture.

history of a retreat center

2011-03-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

For anyone who is interested in a brief history of Omega and it's founding philosophies, here is a link to the history section of our website:

http://www.eomega.org/omega/about/history/

Here you will find that Omega's founders were students of Pir Valayat, and that we got our name from Teillhard de Charin's philosophy of the 'Omega point', the point toward which all life is evolving toward together.

when one retires at night weeping...

2011-03-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

From our darkness:

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-kill-team-20110327?page=1

I often wonder what the root causes of such actions are within humankind, and if they are unique to human beings, but numerous studies have shown that chimpanzes, as well as other non-human animals, are capable of acts of calculated violence toward members of their own species. It's a process of the evolution of consciousness, and growing to the point where you realize that your own safety and permanence in this world is not as important as creating a safe and loving environment for others.

Our light:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPsIl5cb6AE

We are 'works of divine art', and when we remember our divinity and tap into our source, we are capable of creating endless and abundant love and beauty.

We are the darkness and the light. We are infinite and finite. We are creators and the created. We are everything and nothing. We are totally in control, and totally out of control.

We are everything, we are the Universe.

rock me, mama, like a southbound train

2011-03-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

I've spent the morning half-listening Democracy Now!, GritTV, and Aljazeera. As much as I want to take the stand that the world is falling apart and we're all going to die, I am essentially an optimist at heart and I only see a major shift in the actions and mindset of humanity.

The uprisings in the Midwest and Middle East/North Africa are indicative of everyday people making the decision to take their power back from corporate-controlled governments. Although the protests in the United States have remained 'civil', the populations overseas do not have that luxury, and it is commendable that they are willing to give their lives in order to make a better life for their future generations.

How many people are beginning to wake up with the natural disasters, nuclear disasters, and political and social uprisings occurring seemingly all at once?

I also see an increasing awareness of the negative effects of large scale 'suitcase' farming, such as the type done by Monsanto (a company I believe to be the living Anti-Christ). People are beginning to question where their food is coming from, the methods in which it is grown, and the way the growers and harvesters are being treated. I see this becoming less of a fad concern and more of a genuine concern for good, local produce grown ethically and sustainably, supporting local farm economies.

People are starting to pay attention to more than just the kids from Jersey Shore. People are starting to wake up.

Also, I have 'Wagon Wheel' by Old Crow Medicine Show stuck in my head, and have been playing it on guitar daily.

happy birthday 24

2011-03-27T05:27:00.000-07:00

"I wish I were a bahhhhhhhhrd"

Today is my birthday, which isn't really something worth making a post about. Generally speaking my birthdays are pretty lame. Today might be semi-interesting because I'm going to go with my mom into town to return the falty printer she purchased last weekend. I also might read a chapter of my psych 202 book in order to get ahead of the game on assignments. In addition to this, there might be cake, which doesn't really matter because I am not eating sweets right now. I might treat myself to to frozen waffles for breakfast, however, and watch lots of stupid YouTube videos. All of these activities are fairly normal and not at all exciting. But I'm gonna do them. That's what she said. So now I'll leave you with the 'Oh my gah!' video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69A3aL3Yrs0

Also, I fell asleep listening to Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand last night.

things returned

2011-03-24T14:05:00.000-07:00

Back when I was a young tyke, before my great adventures outside of Ohio, my friend Forest gifted me a book that would change my life: The Little Prince. On the title page he wrote the following message:

Amanda,

You are an odd duck. Don't ever lose the feeling of wonder.
Life is extraordinarily beautiful.

-Forest 11/15/05

P.S. Grown ups are altogether very strange.

Later on I loaned this book out to another friend, but soon after this I left Ohio and just assumed I'd never get the book back. Today in the mail, however, I recieved a mystery package and when I opened it I was pleasantly surprised to find my copy of The Little Prince from so many years ago. I can't wait to read it again and keep it with me at all times! This makes the pain in my back seem more minimal.

My aunt hired me out today to help her clean, but apparently my back does not want me to make any extra cash because I woke up this morning with a flare-up from the injury I suffered during my car accident this summer. The pain is less than excruciating and I have to be careful with how I bend and lift things, but at least I can still walk. I still made $20 though, which is pretty amazing considering my current state of unemployment.

Last weekend my adopted 'parents' from Omega came to visit. We went to Cuyahoga Valley National Park and watched the mating habits of the Great Herons. Yesterday my mother and I saw a Great Heron in our backyard. Turns out we didn't need to drive two hours to see some big, gangly bird that is only good for stealing fish from our pond and leaving other mystery fish in it.

flashback 2007 - how we met EZ camp

2011-03-21T07:20:00.000-07:00

After our first night at the Gathering Nick, Dina and I decided that camping on the side of a small mountain with nothing more than a tarp might not be the most comfortable setup, especially when there were no other people camped near us. Nick volunteered to scout a new camping spot if Dina and I walked the approximately 2 miles back to the car to retrieve our tent and sleeping bag.

Thankfully he found a beautiful spot on a rocky cliff (not really a cliff per-se, but an elevated rocky bank) right next to the Little Buffalo river. We were high enough up that we wouldn't get flooded out if the rain decided to continue for the rest of our stay, and being right next to the rushing water was so very soothing. We were also in an open area that allowed direct sunlight to hit us, so we would dry quickly even if it did insist on raining.

Nick met us about halfway down the main path and led us through the woods to our new camp. We set up and took a dip in the river. Later we decided to trek back to the car for our clothes and personal belongings. On our way back it was beginning to get dark, and as we passed a cluster of camps and a small kitchen located directly across the river from our tent we heard someone shout, 'Come eat beans, please!'.

"What?" we yelled back.

"Please come and eat beans!" was the answer.

"Okay, just give us a minute," Dina replied.

When we had dropped our belonging off at our camp we crossed back over the river and entered the camp. There were approximately 10 people sitting around a fire eating beans.

"Do you have blissware?" a man sitting by a second fire, a kitchen fire, asked as he held out a giant serving spoon of beans.

"What?"

"A dish for your beans"

"Ohhh...Yeah," we brought out our metal coffee mugs and held them out to the server.

Two huge heaping spoonfuls of beans later we were sitting around the fire getting to know the members of Normanally EZ Livin' camp, a kitchen whose core group were friends from Norman, OK. They were some of the nicest people I'd ever met, and they were all in their 20's, aside from one woman's two-year-old son. The beans were the most delicious I'd ever had, seasoned with some mystery spices that I will never know the source of.

We spent the entire week with this camp, playing music, eating, joking around and becoming family. To this day I still keep in contact with some of the wonderful people I met at EZ.

general update

2011-03-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

Will and Serra are visiting tonight and into tomorrow morning. We will be going to Cuyahoga Valley National Park in the morning. I'm very tired and feel like hiding under a giant quilt for a few months...

japan is a bad neighborhood to be in right now

2011-03-14T12:24:00.000-07:00

I feel so much empathy for our brothers and sisters and gender-non-descript human siblings in Japan. It's like, jayzus, can't they get a break? Just for a day? And then there's that video that went viral on Youtube of the young 'Christian' woman thanking 'god' for answering her prayers by smiting Japan. Here is the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UmotTE-VlY

I'm pretty sure this is the most hated video on YT, but I'm also convinced this woman's videos are meant to be satire. Nobody is that stupid. Well, some people are.

Apparently Jon is stuck in Japan because he can't get into Tokyo to catch his flight back here. I trololol until the radiation gets him, then I boohoohoo. Also, I have bad cramps. So, all in all, the world is great for everyone.

late night/early morning ruminations

2011-03-12T22:24:00.000-08:00

Although I spent almost two hours laying on a heating pad that was set to 'high' and listening to a variety of ambient-house bands, as well as Magna Canta and Arcanus Nox, all while watching videos with pictures of Caribbean beaches, I cannot sleep. The previously mentioned activities put me in a strange trance-state for a while, which was counteracted when I decided to drink a glass of wine and listen to Dennis Wilson. Now my ability to decide whether or not it is time to go to bed is completely gone and I can't think of any quiet activities to fill the space between now and sunrise. I suppose reading a book might work, and I started to pry into Abarat, but I get so distracted by my desire to carry out random Google searches on things like "How can I tape my thumbs to my hands to look like a T-rex?", or, "What types of pie do pirates enjoy?".

After I conduct my research I zone off to a fantasy world where I envision fight scenes between epic characters such as Troy Palamalou versus RnB singer Sade. Then I wonder what all of the douchebag Bros on college campuses everywhere are doing RIGHT NOW. What sorts of douchebagery do you suppose they are getting themselves into? I wonder if they are Google searching how to tape their thumbs to their hands in order to look like a T-rex as well. Perhaps there is a future fassbouk group in the making.

And then for some reason I decide I want to look at pictures of Bob Ross:

And if that isn't enough I then find myself asking, "Why the hell is Bob Ross holding a baby raccoon? Doesn't he know that those things carry rabies?". So I decide to do some more Google research and I find this article:

http://bramblitt.net/?tag=bob-ross

So now I've decided that Bob Ross is a pretty incredible human being. I'm a little sad that I took his presence in my childhood for granted. There are a number of incredible human beings in this world who are often overlooked, which leads me to believe that if the crazy lady who posts youtube videos about how angels told her the world was going to be destroyed by a comet is correct and the world is in fact destroyed by a comet, that would be totally okay. It would be okay because humankind has had ample opportunity to express itself in all of the crazy and wondrous ways it can. The Divine spark that is in everything brought Bob Ross into existence, as well as every person who dons the Ronald McDonald costume, and all of those douchebags on college campuses who are playing beer pong right now.

It is at this point in my ruminations that I begin to realize how desperately I need sleep, for my own sanity. So I will leave you with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgiD6DLsmIY&NR=1

crazy moment

2011-03-11T19:05:00.000-08:00

I'm having a crazy moment right now where I just sort of want to be non-existent, or eat a lot of chocolate ice cream and watch Steel Magnolias. This is a good sign though, because it means my moon is coming! But it is annoying as well, because I am currently being occupied by some masochistic psycho-bitch who feels bloaty and angry at the male sex and wants to eat all kinds of strange things.

I just found out some terrible news: This Is Why You're Fat, the beloved website, has also been replaced.

FML.

flashback 2007 - pre-gathering roadtrip cont. and our first night at the gathering

2011-03-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

The money Nick, Dina and I made busking in Columbia, MO was enough for us to rent a sleazy motel for the evening. When I say sleazy I do truly mean that this motel was something comparable to the Bates Motel, only in the Ozark Mountains. In the middle of nowhere. Where nobody could hear us scream.

We checked in close to dusk and as night fell and we lay in the queen-sized bed, joking about the level of creepiness of the motel. This particular motel was run by a nice but strangely aloof and terse Indian family. The matriarch was dressed in traditional clothing, including a flowing silk sari. They seemed like pleasant people, despite the way they glared at us upon check-in. They were definitely the least creepy aspect of the motel's ambiance. Our constant banter focused on hillbilly ax-murderers breaking into our room and robbing and killing us, but this soon became less banter and more concerned conversation. Eventually my cousin and I pushed the desk in front of the entrance door, which was already bolt-locked. The thunderstorm that had just started only added to the horror-film setting.

Things began to take a turn for the worst when Dina began to get freaked out and Nick brought out his katana. So there we were, three young adults huddled in a musty motel room in the mountains with a katana sword at our side. Dina and I tried to change the mood of the conversation by drawing comparisons between the Ozarks and the Appalachians, and Dina treated us to some of the old Appalachian ballads she'd learned while attending Warren Wilson college and studying Appalachian music. We definitely felt calmed by the familiarity of her voice, but when something started scratching at the bathroom window and she and I both flipped out, that was about the end of it. I jumped up, locked the bathroom door, and placed a chair under the doorknob to secure it shut.

Although we decided we were all being ridiculous and paranoid we still kept the doors barricaded and slept with the katana next to us. Luckily no crazed hillbillies broke into our room and we survived the night, only to be harassed by the wife of the owner, who insisted check in was at eight, even though the sign on the door said eleven. Before we even had time to assess the true creepiness of the place in the morning light we were ushered out of the room and into our cars, whence our roadtrip continued.

Later that day we reached Fallsville Arkansas and the Ozark National Forest, home of 2007's Rainbow Gathering. The first thing we noticed about the tiny little hick town was a gas station/convenient store with a sign on the door that read, "Local Customers Only". Our initial reading of the town's approval of the Gathering goers was that they really didn't want a couple thousand smelly hippies running around in their woods smoking dope and 'making love'. Luckily there was a more corporate gas station right across the street where we were able to find some staples such as beef jerky and mixed nuts to accompany the homemade hummus and pita bread we'd brought with us from Ohio.

As we drove down the access road into the parking area for the Gathering we began to see an assortment of vehicles. Vans, cars, converted schoolbuses; all painted and covered in mud, or in some way damaged or very run-down looking. There were nicer cars as well, but almost every car sported an array of bumper stickers, all of which were in support of either a) environmental issues/the green party, b) Ron Paul, c) the Grateful Dead, or d) the legalization of marijuana. There were other bumper stickers in similar categories, some with witty sayings, some with quotes from great human beings and teachers. All of the cars had one thing in common: They were covered in a thick layer of red dirt that went up to about mid-door level. Dina's shiny and relatively new little car made its way to one of the only available parking spots at the side of the access road, in between two other small cars. Nick was driving at this point and it was his decision to roll down the windows and blast something like Metallica or ICP, something he thought would be very anti-Rainbow. As he tried to ease the car into the spot it sunk into the mud that had formed from the endless rain the last week or so. The passenger side tilted into the line of berry bushes that marked the wilderness. We decided not to fuss with it.

As we exited the vehicle some very dirty hippies walked past and told us it was about a 2 mile hike into the actual Gathering from our parking space, so we decided not to take all of our gear in, since it was going to be dark very soon and we'd have to quickly find a place to crash. Unfortunately none of us thought to bring the tent. Nick felt that our tarp would be sufficient until we had more time to scope out a permanent spot and set up camp for the rest of our time there. None of us brought our backpacks either, which made hiking in really easy.

About half a mile away from the actual Gathering we could hear what sounded like drums and tons of people shouting and laughing. At this point there were lots of people milling about, going to and from vehicles, but we could not see the thousands of people predicted to be there. We ended up following some women who seemed very excited when the sound of chanting and tambourines was heard. Soon a line of robed individuals playing tambourines and other hand percussion were headed toward us, and they had cookies. These turned out to be the Hare Krishnas from Om camp, and they were notorious for giving away free vegan cookies to all who were arriving.

"Welcome Home!" was the call we heard from all sides as we hiked the final stretch into the Gathering. Random strangers came up and hugged us. People handed us cookies and other treats. Someone offered us ganga granola. Suddenly there was an explosion of people and the drums were louder than ever before, and we could hear rushing water.

"This was what Ghana was like," Dina said.

I felt like I'd entered another country, another world. People were dressed in colorful, mud-covered rags, their hair dreadlocked our unkempt, dogs ran around everywhere without leashes. We came to a rushing river with a log bridge that was obviously constructed by the most recent occupants. We crossed in a procession, our gear on our heads, as the Hare Krishnas followed behind to return to camp for more cookies. We were passing through a whir of color and sound and smell, everybody smelled like their natural body odor, or patchouli, or sage. Nobody was wearing shoes.

The sky was reaching a point of darkness and rain clouds were threatening to drop their bounty on us as we veered off the main path and into the woods. We began the process of setting up camp for the night, which included stumbling through the woods and eventually choosing the least uncomfortable place to put the tarp down. We chose a place on the side of a hill that forced us to sleep with our feet below our heads. Our tarp was barely sufficient to place beneath us and arc over us as protection from the rain, which we soon needed. I had decided to wear a skirt. I had many insects crawling up my legs that night, my feet hung out the end of the tarp and so were quite soaked the next day, and once again I nearly suffocated on Dina's hair. In all honesty I was just glad we weren't attacked by the wild boars everyone said were out there.

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Alright, folks, that's it for the flashback posts for now. Next time I'll tell you all about how we ended up camping next to the coolest people from Oklahoma ever, and I might even get to the part that includes nudity and body paint...

has spring finally come to replace the darkness of my soul?

2011-03-09T08:37:00.000-08:00

After my last post I was enthusiastic over the prospect of warm weather come to stay, but overnight it snowed again and froze all of the rain into a sheet of ice. After about a week the outdoors decided to warm up again, although I did not notice because I have secluded myself in my parents' house and am refusing to leave until I a) head to New York, b) summer arrives, or c) Jesus returns (with vegan fudge brownies). I could tell that the weather had warmed up though because my friends were posting about it on facebook. Also, the snow has been slowly melting away the past two days. Still, I do not trust these events as more than a charade, pure trickery.

Previous to the 'big thaw', my new nickname for the latest of mother nature's charades, I convinced my mother to purchase a dozen day-old doughnuts from Wal-mart (yes, we shop at a store that supports child labor. Where else would we get a dozen day-old doughnuts for less than $2?). We brought them home for dessert and I took it upon myself to get out a tube of red frosting from the baking cabinet and write 'REDRUM' on the green-frosted creamstick we'd set aside for my brother. Also I wrote 'MY SACK!', on a lemon cream, and "KILL", on a white-frosted creamstick. I took a picture of the REDRUM doughnut:

I wish I owned a better camera (I use the lens on my netbook) so that I could capture the essence of the REDRUM doughnut. Needless to say, writing 'redrum' on a day-old doughnut does not make it any more or less delicious.

I've succumbed to the world of social networking in complete totality: I now have a twitter. I'm not really sure why I have a twitter because I don't think anyone is going to want to read updates such as, 'I wish my cat would stop jumping out of the shadows and clawing my ankles', or, 'my brother tricked me into watching anime again', or, 'my mom just yelled 'here's your sack!' to my brother'. Maybe if I were a famous personality people would be interested in the mundane events of my life.

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Oh my god, I just went outside for the first time in days. It's raining. I did not feel like I was in a giant walk-in freezer. WHAT IS THIS TRICKERY? I demand to know! It's only March 9th, it is too early for mediocre warmth! I'm scared.
______________

In addition to not leaving the house and being completely paranoid about the outdoors I've started watching anime with my little brother. I think I might be turning into a shut-in. Again.

some changes to the weather and an anniversary celebration

2011-03-05T14:49:00.000-08:00

It has been raining since last night, which means that the snow is melting. Our pool looks like it comitted suicide, it deflated at some point during the past few months. My mom had plans to weatherize it, but when I saw it again after six months it was sagging down in the snow with only about two feet of water left in it. We think it sprung a leak at some point, or that my little brother shot at it with his bow and arrow.

LizO decided she does not want to be in a relationship with her boyfriend anymore and she sent me a message asking if we could list our relationship status on facebook as 'in a domestic partnership' with one another. I agreed, although it seemed strange. We are also listed as siblings and are karmic/internet siblings. We just celebrated our four hour anniversary.

I'm experiencing a state of brain dead from spending all day editing old livejournal entries in order to make them presentable for the general public.

I also may be experiencing a hypoglycemic crash from three servings of ice cream, which accompanied the butternut squash lasagna my mom made for dinner. Me full. Me want take nap. Me no want go work out on treadmill. Treadmill evil.

the joy of younger siblings - anime

2011-03-04T19:05:00.000-08:00

My younger brother and I just spent the last three hours watching a variety of anime shows. The first one we watched was pretty hilarious, it was called Ouran (which every time I see written makes me think I'm reading 'quran'). In this particular show there was a scene where a young girl was fantasizing that she was sitting in a giant teacup, kind of like the ones at Disney[land?]world (I've never been to either so I'm not sure which). Now, I must preface the following scene by telling you all that my brother is infamous for talking constantly during movies, television shows, commercials, etc. and he likes to add his own commentary {especially annoying when you are trying to listen to Whoopie Goldberg's character in The Color Purple and all you hear is "You told Harpo to beat me!"}. So as the scene of the young girl lusting for her lost soul-mate in the giant teacup (anime, remember?) was taking place my brother says:

"I'm in a teacup, bitches! You be jealous?"

This is the part where I internally ::facepalm:: and externally laugh for five minutes straight, which usually just encourages my brother to repeat the line several more times until it is no longer funny.

The second anime we watched was called Sgt. Frog. When I asked my brother what it was about he said:

"Aliens. Who are also frogs."

Very helpful.

I feel bad for the adults in this household, as all they've heard for the past three days is, "MY SACK!", and, "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno F***!", from the Bill O'reilly freakout techno remix (we spend a lot of time on Youtube)...

Alas...earwax.

flash forward - today

2011-03-04T16:08:00.000-08:00

I'm going to take some time out to blog about things that are happening in my life currently, although I am eager to finish my tale of the Epic Roadtrip and my first Rainbow Gathering. I will eventually be telling the story of what I did after I dropped out of college the first time, the Buddhist retreat center where I volunteered (and the cast of characters I met there), my various other odd jobs and roadtrips, and eventually the discovery of the love of my life; a retreat center called Omega, where I have worked for the past two years. There are enough stories about Omega to fill hundreds of blog entries, but we'll get to that later.

Right now I'd like to start off by explaining that I am currently bumming around my parents' house until April. I was down south doing a variety of different things, but we'll get to that in another post. I have a brother who is ten years younger than me and quite the character. He is extremely vocal about his opinions of things and often very critical of, well, pretty much everything. Unfortunately, he has some strange mannerisms which often get him made fun of at school.

Recently he has been complaining that some kid in his P.E. class has been trying to cop a feel of his sack. Two days in a row this has happened since I've been back in Ohio, and yesterday he told me that he hit a student in the head with a hardback book because, "He kept trying to touch me innappropriately". Today my step-dad informed me that the middle school called because my brother again hit the same kid with a heavy textbook. My brother's answer to why he did this was, "He tried to touch my manboobs". When my mother got home from work she sprinted down the hallway and yelled, "I got to use the word 'manboob' while talking to Cole's principal today!". A ten minute discussion of bullying, school procedures, and manboobs then ensued. I sat quietly in my room and wondered how many other families in the world acted as strange as mine.

***edit***

I failed to mention that since my little brother watched the Nostalgia Critic's review of 'Ernest Saves Christmas' (and subsequently forced me to watch it) we have been running around tormenting the parents by yelling, "MY SACK!". You'd have to either see the movie or the review (preferebly the review) in order to find this fully funny. That is all.

the adventure continues - flashback to 2007 pt. 2 (electric bugaloo)

2011-03-03T13:21:00.000-08:00

Our next stop on our epic road trip was the famous (or infamous if you have ever been a high school student) town of Hannibal, Missouri. Nick, Dina and I had amassed plans to do more adventuring on our way down to the Gathering in Arkansas than Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn ever had. Unfortunately, the weather had other plans and mercilessly rained almost every day of our first two weeks. Initially this did not bother us, particularly while we were in Hannibal. Hannibal is a quaint little Mississippi River town with quaint little people who have quaint little southern accents. It is not too touristy to deter the average traveler, but touristy enough to keep one entertained for a day or two, and the people who live there are as nice as any Midwesterners (nicer than those fake Midwesterners of the Great Lakes region). When people asked us what we could possibly find interesting in a small town like Hannibal my cousin Nick would quickly answer, "We're looking for a guy named Tom Sawyer, have you seen him?", and Dina and I would try our best to nod our heads in agreement without cracking a smile. Most people didn't even bat an eyelash at our Cleveland-style sarcasm, even when Nick announced that Dina's real name was Gretchen Butkhess. One woman who owned a gallery on the main strip (which is actually only about six buildings long) even invited us to camp in her backyard and use her shower, after we told her our harrowing tale of urban camping. We being the now-seasoned survivalists that we were declined her offer, citing vaguely that we could simply pull off to the side of the road and camp in the woods.

The sporadic bursts of rain that day made it nearly impossible for us to do anything outdoors for any amount of time, so we found ourselves running in and out of the shops on the local main strip, meeting the shop owners and talking to locals. By the grace of Mark Twain's ghost, however, the sky eventually cleared up long enough for us to bring out the guitars and play some music on the sidewalk, in an attempt to earn a few extra dollars for gas. The only problem with this scenario was that we seemed to be the only people in Hannibal who didn't actually live there.

We sat on a bench and watched some local youths beat each other up and skateboard around. Dina played some of her super hippie folksongs and we sang along with gusto. Suddenly a very large and very clean looking family approached us, headed by a 'Dad' figure who looked like he was a lot of fun. The motley crew surrounded our bench and listened to Dina finish her song, and then Dad introduced himself and his brood of two children, one niece, one wife, a brother and sister-in-law, and some friends of the kids. Then he asked if he could sit down and play music with us. Dina handed her guitar over and we were soon engaged in an epic John Mayer singalong. We played quite a few songs together, chatted about our mutual travels, and formed the strange sort of kindship that can only be formed when strangers get brave and decide to interact. Eventually we had to part, as all good things must end. We needed to find a place to sleep before nightfall. We said goodbye and thanked one another for the music and laughs shared, and all went on our merry ways.

That night we chose to pull off to the side of the highway and pitch our tent in a turnaround picnic sort of area. There was a rowdy-sounding bar across the highway (it was one of those two-lane county highways in the middle of nowhere) which worried us quite a bit, and a sign that clearly said, 'No Camping', but we were rebels and rules didn't apply to us. Nick, ever-prepared for danger (and man things in general) packed several katanas and a large hunting knife, because he felt he would need them at some point during our stay at a large peace gathering. They came in handy during this night of suspense and terror, however, so Dina and I were emotionally indebted to him for the time being.

So there we were, sleeping on the side of a highway in the tiny, leaking tent (it had started to rain once more), spooning each other and the katana as we listened to rowdy drunks and semi trucks in the world outside of our nylon bubble of safety.

The next morning was grey, rainy, and cold. Three of my least favorite things to wake up to, especially when there is only a thin layer of cloth separating me from it. Nick and Dina, I would come to find, liked to sleep in quite a bit, so this was the first of many mornings in which I was awake long before they were. My only options for filling the time at this point were to sit in the car and watch the rain or brave the rain in order to find a gas station that sold hot coffee. I chose the latter. When I returned with two steaming hot cups I set one aside for my slumbering buddies and since there was no room for me to do anything but spoon them back at the tent I decided to sit in the car and listen to NPR while enjoying my coffee. A couple of hours later Nick and Dina finally stirred. The rain had slowed to a trickle, my clothes had nearly dried, and the coffee was cold. Nevertheless, we pulled ourselves together and pressed on.

At this point of the journey I was beginning to feel a bit like this:

Nick and Dina didn't seem to be doing much better, but from my perspective in that moment I saw them as having some sort of secret bond that kept them going. They were both amazing musicians and artists and had been friends with one another longer than the three of us had been friends as a trio. I felt a twinge of jealousy stirring in my depths and it was only dried out by the sunny afternoon weather that greeted us as we stopped to eat buffalo burgers in some dinky cafe.

Luckily our waitress was knowledgeable about the area and when she discovered we were out of towners she suggested we visit a city called Columbia. She said it was a small college town and we'd probably have luck busking there. She was correct, because several people in Columbia took pity on us and threw bills in our guitar case as we sang our hearts out that day. The rain seemed to be holding off for the most part, although the clouds did not hesitate to threaten us with an ominous darkness every now and then. If I remember correctly we made about $50 that day before the storefront owners kicked us out for attracting street people and amassing a crowd.

The most auspicious part of our visit to Columbia came when we decided to walk around and explore. Dina was singing at the top of her lungs some old Appalachian tune as we strolled down the street, and suddenly the people in front of us turned around and stopped to look at us. By some twist of fate it was the daughter and niece of the family we'd met in Hannibal the day before! They were so excited to see us, and we were so excited to see them, they grabbed our hands and dragged us to a restaurant window front where the rest of the family were eating. We pounded on the window and Dad came running out to greet us with a beaming smile. We couldn't believe our good fortune that day, making enough money for a sleezy motel and seeing our friends from the day before. Things were beginning to look sunny, despite the grey sky...

the adventure begins - flashback to 2007 pt. 1

2011-03-03T07:06:00.000-08:00

In the summer of 2007 I was working at a fast food place that served southern-style food and fried chicken (no, it was not based out of Kentucky) and I was preparing to transfer from the two-year college I'd been attending since my legal adulthood to a four-year institution. I had spent those previous two years being absolutely miserable but convincing myself that it was okay because 'some day I would be a famous (or, at least, relatively well-employed) anthropologist', with PhDs and certifications out the wazoo, and a passport full of exotic stamps. In the meantime I had no friends, no social life, no hobbies aside from morosely playing my guitar, and no real clue about who I was.

So with that in mind and neck-deep in chicken gravy and sweet potatoes, I jumped at the opportunity to do some real traveling with a friend and my cousin. I decided to request two weeks off of work; if they weren't given to me I'd simply quit (unheard of!). Our ultimate destination was to be the national Rainbow Gathering ('Nationals'), a giant peace gathering that takes place in a different national forest every summer and lasts about one week. To be honest with you, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had two years of pent-up wanderlust waiting to explode out of my orifices and a serious case of Midwestern duldrum that I couldn't shake. It was time for me to start making sudden and radical life decisions. Thankfully I was given three weeks off of work for this adventure.

The two weeks building up to my departure were a haze of grease and escape fantasies. Finally the time came to leave. My cousin and I spent the night at our radical hippie friend's house. She embodied everything the stereotypical new-age neo-hippie should, and she was the exact opposite of everyone I'd ever met in my painfully monochromatic existence.

The evening before our departure we sat on the front porch playing guitar and singing with bottles of the local micro-brew at our sides. The next morning we ate buckwheat pancakes, drank strong black coffee, and had a drum procession to a ring of trees in the backyard, where the hostess blessed us with a sage smudging stick. It was like something out of one of those epic fantasy novels, where the wizard kidnaps the humans and shows them the world of the unseen and they are so entranced by all of the magic and novelty they just go along with it all. I was entranced, and ready to leave the world I knew behind.

For the first few hours of our journey there was nothing but the open road, Jimi Hendrix, and our silent reverie. Eventually, however, we realized that none of us had very much money or were very good at planning ahead, so when night fell on that first day we scrambled to think of places we could sleep for the night. We had a tent, but we did not want to pay for a campground. Eventually we found ourselves driving around St. Louis, Missouri, with no idea where we were going to go for the night. It was late, probably close to midnight. We seemed to be in a shady part of town. Suddenly my limited knowledge of the world re-surfaced and I piped up.

"You know, I heard in my comparative religion class that Catholic monasteries will let you stay on the grounds if you do a work-exchange. We should look for a monastery."

Miraculously, my two compatriots thought this was an ingenous idea. Coincidentally, a few minutes later we passed what appeared to be a huge religious institution, a Catholic boys boarding school about half an hour outside of St. Louis. We rolled into the parking lot and surveyed the abandoned property from the vehicle. Thunder was beginning to threaten us from not far off. We got out and circumambulated the main building. Nobody seemed to be home. Lightning struck close enough to raise the hairs on our arms, and with a clap of thunder the rain began to pour down.

"Let's just set the tent up under this awning," my friend suggested, pointing to the main entrance of what appeared to be the gymnasium of the boys school.

We quickly set the old, leaky tent up on the concrete slab, safely under the entranceway, and climbed inside. This was the first time the three of us had all been in the tent together at once. Although the manufacturers claimed the tent was suitable for three adults, I became most certain on that night that they must have tested this estimate with the three small children who worked dilligently to assemble the tent over in Singapore. We three average-sized adults got to know each other much better that night, and if I didn't choke on my friend's long, witchy hair while inadvertently spooning her it was a miracle. It didn't phase us much that the rain was leaking into the old, worn tent and pooling around its edges, slowly soaking the one sleeping bag we had to share, because we were finally free. Yes, technically we were still in the Midwest by most cartographic standards, but we had entered into a whole new world where time was irrelevent and the rest of human existence was merely a shadow against the image of the newly discovered great West.

The next morning the sun was shining and everything was steamy. We were awakened by the sound of someone fussing outside of our tent. My friend Dina was the one who chalked up enough guts to poke her head out of the tent flap to see who it was. She slowly pulled her head back in after a few seconds and zipped the flap.

"It was the janitor. He just looked at me and kept going."

We could hear the sound of adolescent boys yelling from somewhere nearby so we decided not to try our luck any further. We quickly packed up the tent, still soaked from the night's unrelenting rainstorm, and sped out of the parking lot. As we left I noted about a hundred vehicles, which had appeared while we slept, and a variety of people milling about, some in basketball uniforms. It looked like we were leaving just in time.

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Stay tuned for the next installment of flashback 2007 to read all about the Gathering, my first taste of falafel, and how I got dysentary!

Trains and New Orleans

2010-08-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I will have to say that one of the good things that has come out of my recent accident is that I've felt inspired to play more guitar. I've been having a lot of very vivid dreams as well, thankfully none about the accident, and I've been dreaming about expanding my repertoire of cover songs. I also dreamt about a shotgun house in Louisiana. Not sure what that's about. I've been working on some of the more simple songs in the folk/pop genre, occasionally branching out with attempts at Skip James' more popular tunes (so far have not mastered any of these, but my Epiphone is still tuned to DADFAD for Hard Floor Killing Blues). The unfortunate thing about all of this is that because my car is no longer in existence I must carry everything I own on my back, and carrying a guitar around is quite cumbersome, at best.

It's nice, in a way, being trapped at my folks' house. I get an endless supply of free food and drink, can sleep as much as I want, don't have to work, and yesterday my little brother and I engaged in an epic water fight in the inflatable pool.

As much as I'd love to stay here in limbo for the rest of my life I need to start looking at train schedules to get me back to Rhinebeck. So far it looks like at least a ten hour ride. I have to work out how I'm going to get to Cleveland by 5am.

If My Spirit Knew How to Fly

2010-03-31T07:13:00.000-07:00

I think that there was a time when our souls knew how to fly, a time before we were born into this world and taught how to tether them in, like helium-filled balloons. Sometimes I remember this time in my dreams, and my soul becomes enmeshed with that of the Great Spirit, and I soar over the red rocks of the desertlands, the sacred lands of the First People of my country. I feel weightless, burdenless, and joyful, as if I've never felt any other way, and there is a timelessness to this dreamland that I cannot fathom upon waking. Sometimes when I listen to certain types of music I fall into an almost trance-like state in which I can almost touch this timelessness, as if the child's hand that clings tightly to the tether of my soul begins to loosen, and the wind causes both of us to dance, child and soul, and we come to the realization that we are really one entity contained within the endlessness of the Great Spirit.

Now I am haunted in my waking life by these dreams of freedom, because I believe that they are attainable. I believe that I can be free.

Oh, Cleveland

2010-03-17T18:35:00.000-07:00

Well my shininess is not nearly enough to brighten up the greater Cleveland area, and college hasn't proven to be interesting enough to hold my attention. If I could skip all of the bogus general education classes and take the really interesting stuff, I'd be more inclined to stay. Unfortunately there are no jobs in this area, and with no job I have no way to pay for my education, so alas, I am put back into the world of homelessness and unemployment. It's okay though, because I have this sweet job set up for this summer, and they even give me tent space! My friend Savannah is going off to Chicago to train at JobCorps, and I've considered doing the same. It is still an option for my future.

Oh sheister, and somebody burned down a world heritage site in Uganda. Ain't nobody got respect no mo'. It's not officially an arson attempt, but many suspect that it is, which would cause further conflict in the country.

Give Blood, But Don't Play Tricks

2009-08-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to an amazing self-created radio station based around the music of Kelly Joe Phelps and artists similar to him. It is beyond amazing, and I feel like running away to the Ozarks to square dance with the trees.

Right before I left cafe today I initiated some shenanigans, of which Melissa and Mitch were witness to: I turned Brett's nametag for the Yoga Conference registration around and wrote 'Susie' on it. Later on Mitch told me that Brett looked over all of the names, searching for his place at the table, didn't find his name, went over to the list of volunteers for the registration table, went back over to the table to look at the names again, then went down to production to figure out why his name wasn't on the table. Apparently this was not a good trick to play, because he thought he'd been forgotten! I felt really bad, ultimately, and ended up arguing with Helema after Meghan yelled at me and told me I was immature and would never amount to anything in my life. She's right, though.

After I shenaniganed Dumbledore I went to get some salad from dining hall. Jenna Bear and I decided to sit on the veranda, which is against the rules (teehee!). We had an excellent time discussing integral theories of everything, shininess, the meaning of life, and dancing our bliss. She is still froggy when she talks, and hasn't heard back from the doctor, so none of us know what germs she is passing on to us.

After lunch I donated blood, because I do that sort of thing.

Tonight Wah! is going to be leading kirtan in the main hall, I'm soooo excited that she and her band are back, and that we will be having a mini-ecstatic chant! I hope I get all oneness/funness and dance crazy like the fool that I am.

In the meantime I'm going to listen to my awesome Pandora station, surf the net, try not to think about how much my inner elbow hurts, and maybe go to meditation. Blah blah blah, energy and magic and yoga and meditation.

The end.

(Reality) Check Please!

2009-08-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

Isobel, Jenna and I are all doing the job search thing, and getting very worried about our futures (maybe). It hasn't really brought the real world crashing in as I thought it would, but it certainly is an annoyance. At least the other two have a degree to make them more marketable. All I have is random smatterings of information collected from two years of fun and fancy free.

Besides the kind of sort of reality check, I have also been trying to get farther away from reality by focusing on art and dance and such. I've discovered that dancing is a form of meditation for me, and world music is my connection to other cultures. I am not a dancer, however; at least, I don't currently identify myself as such.

This piece of shit computer is getting on my nerves...

I'm still waiting for my glasses to come in the mail. Supposedly they have been shipped. Right now I'm wearing a taped up, crooked pair that make me dizzy everytime I walk. It will be nice to have some new glasses.

Woe is me and my pathetic life. At least I have my health. And coffee.

Staff appreciation day was a few days back and LizO and I had to work the night shift. We decided that we would exercise our right to be irreverent. It worked out well. S-s-s-seitan in ma belly!

www.boppitybear.com

Drink All the Coffee and Watch Amelie

2009-08-10T15:40:00.000-07:00

Gosh, working A-shift again really killed me. I described it as 'etheric', because of the dreamlike atmoshpere of the passing of time during the shift. Oh, and mouse poop.

All the coffee in the world can't keep me awake...But I must stay awake, for Amelie is playing in Ram Das tonight. Last night was the Celestine Prophesy. Had never read or seen it. It was kind of cheesy. Nice concept though, and pretty much all of what we Om staff do with our time here; energy awareness and oneness bliss type stuff. Boring. I'd rather LARP with the Wayfinders. They're gone now though

Amazing Discovery

2009-08-08T14:33:00.000-07:00

OMG CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!

The Chocolate Cake Experience

2009-08-06T10:22:00.000-07:00

I love family week. This has been the most fun I've had here all season, aside from ecstatic chant weekend; although I'd say that this weekend has been waaaaaaay more fun and magickal. NOW this is Hogwarts.This morning I woke up to hordes of children outside my door screaming and yelling things like, "General! General! Retreat! Retreat! They're coming!!!", and then various sounds of battle with foam weapons. That was the moment that I decided that I want to work for the Wayfinder's Experience workshop group. Seeing the groups of costumed people engaging in real-time battles with styrophome and Nerf weapons, yelling and screaming as if being murdered, has been enough to life my spirits every day. I checked out Wayfinder's website and found that they build childrens' confidence in themselves through problem-solving, interactive theatre experiences, non-competitive games, and role-playing. This is such an amazing idea, since most gym classes and childrens' sports groups only promote competition amidst young people, which only perpetuates throughout their lives and leaves them with feelings of inadequecy. I definitely want to work for them. And I want to run around with a middle-earth style costume and a foam sword.

After I was awakened by the raging battle on my front lawn, I stumbled into staff dining only to find four (maybe five, I can't rightly remember) chocolate-rasberry truffle cakes. So I had chocolate cake for breakfast. It's okay though, I had a salad for lunch.

This week is heaven week (and diabetes promotion week?).

I spoke with Frances in faculty support about getting a hold of the people in charge of Wayfinder's in order to talk to them about the program. She told me that their final battle would be held this afternoon in Main Field, and that I should try to catch someone who looks vaguely like an adult, to speak with them. She also suggested that I stake out a position beforehand at Pavilion, where they hold their pre-battle rallies. I'm going there when I'm finished with my internet business. I hope I get a chance to talk with someone about the program and the possibility of participating with them in the future.

YAY!

Oh! Oh! Oh my gawt! And...and...and! Tonight in Hill House there is a Middle Eastern music performance for staff only!! Alex and I will be attending together, front row seats (back-jacks?).

Wow. This is heaven week.

NAMASTE EVERYONE!

Family Week Has Cometh

2009-08-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

I am so confused right now, because Lehn looks so entirely androgynous with his long, golden-blonde locks in a french braid.

Besides that, it's family week:

This week at Omega it is family week. Family week was destined to be the best week ever, because it involves city children running wild in the country, and lots and lots of sugary desserts to increase their parents' stress levels.

Not only have the hundreds of screaming children brought with them cardboard swords and a penchant for yelling innappropriate things when the adults are trying to be 'spiritual', but they have also brought with them their exhuberence and unfettered joy. They have been inspiring the staff to leg go of our grown-up burdens and do such things as roll down tick-infested grassy hills, play hide-and-seek, and run around with general abandon. It's great, despite the ticks.

In addition to the children, there is the children's menu, which we as adults and staff are not supposed to be eating off of. Tater tots and shaped finger foods...CHOCOLATE MILK! I'll admit, we do a little bit of sneaking every here and there, but only with the milk. It's like crack.

There was a kid playing Vivaldi on his violin, and this kid was probably only about ten. That's all I can think of to say about that.

Scattered- July 23rd 2009

2009-07-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

Out of all of the people in my family, I am the most scatter-brained. The evidence of this was obvious from an early age, when I seemingly refused to clean my room, no matter what threats my mother tried to place upon me. As a youngling I was not aware that my staunch apathy was in fact due to my inability to process thoughts in an organizational pattern. You should see my room now. Thanks mom, at least you tried.

That reminds me, I haven't done laundry in a few weeks. My room is starting so smell musty and sweaty. Should probably take care of this. I feel like I've made some progress, however, because I did manage to fit a shower in during my lunch break. See, I can be responsible and adult-like.

Besides recieving a FAIL at personal hygiene (I don't necessarily see this as a fail, considering many of the other workers here at the Center), I have accomplished very little, including buns of steel. In my volunteer position job description there was nothing about hauling a rickshaw full of cleaning supplies over hilly terrain, so when I was presenting with the opportunity to increase my gluteas maximus (spelling please?) muscles, I squated. Here at yoga summer camp we call this an 'inversion'. Just kidding. I think. So after several weeks of being put on the 'Special Ops' shift and dragging around my life's burden in the form of a wooden pullcart that could hold at least eight Afghani child refugees, you'd think my legs would be stronger than Vera de Milo's, no? Yeah, no. I've seen no improvement in the behind area. Could it be the vegetarian diet? Or my general dissatisfaction for life, which I express by eating ginger snaps and macaroons at every opportunity. Never mind all of this because now I can add, 'being a donkey', to my resumee.

Now that my stint here is about halfway over with I'm starting to worry about what to do with my life next. I wonder how many people have to face this fear ever year, how many people engage in such flippant lifestyles as I. What does one do when one lives in a country in which the economy is falling apart at the eyeballs (or so the television tells everyone, I wouldn't know since I don't watch television), whose people are ignorant Sheeple, and whose government is trying to outlaw organic farms and home gardens in order to 'safely regulate food production for the good of the country' (Please, sir, may I have some more Fascism?)? Well, if you are me then you join small communities of like-minded individuals and you volunteer for seven months out of every year and you forget about the outside world until it comes screaming in at your face like one of those emaciated creatures from Middle Earth. Suffice to say, I'm thinking of heading south. Gotta stay away from that snow, it does things to a person's brain.

::yawwwwwwwn::

I think it's getting close to my bedtime. So long, and thanks for all the vegan, fish-shaped meat product.

I'm Coming (Going-question mark?) Home, Beneath the Willow Tree

2008-10-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

I've been in California now for about four months. I really do think that that old folksinger quote- "We all go looking for paradise, and then we go back home"- might actually be true. It should be amended though: "We all go looking for paradise, spend years trying to find it in different things, then eventually give up and settle for what we have. After that, if we are lucky, we gain the wisdom to know that paradise was in the finding that was happening all along". That's more of a mouthful and I don't think it would sound songarific if set to a tune.

In a round-a-bout way I think that I'm trying to say; 1) I'm happy to be going back to Ohio for a little while, I miss my family and Killer Cocoadog, 2) I'm glad that I spend time here, I feel older and maybe wiser, or maybe just older, 4) Staying in one place for any amount of time is no bueno, 5) Hey, look at these new friends I've made!, 6) I think I have tendonitis, and 7) Where are those voices coming from?

Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

An apple a day keeps the zombies at bay.

A stitch in your thumb hurts like a bitch.

Why can't I write anything coherent, ever?

Pure Flippin' Genius

2008-05-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycleI want to ride my bicycleI want to ride my bikeI want to ride my bicycleI want to ride it where I likeYou say black I say whiteYou say bark I say biteYou say shark I say hey manJaws was never my sceneAnd I don't like Star WarsYou say Rolls I say RoyceYou say God give me a choiceYou say Lord I say ChristI don't believe in Peter PanFrankenstein or SupermanAll I wanna do isBicycle bicycle bicycleI want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycleI want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bikeI want to ride my bicycleI want to ride myBicycle races are coming your waySo forget all your duties oh yeahFat bottomed girls they'll be riding todaySo look out for those beauties oh yeahOn your marks get set goBicycle race bicycle race bicycle raceBicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle bicycle Bicycle bicycle bicycleBicycle raceYou say coke I say caineYou say John I say WayneHot dog I say cool it manI don't wanna be the President of AmericaYou say smile I say cheeseCartier I say pleaseIncome tax I say JesusI don't wanna be a candidate forVietnam or WatergateCause all I wanna do isBicycle bicycle bicycleI want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycleI want to ride my bicycleI want to ride my bikeI want to ride my bicycleI want to ride it where I like

Wow, I really love how blogspot kept that formatted for me ::rollseyes:: why does technology hate me!?

Better yet, why does my CAR hate me? I couldn't make a left turn out of my work parking lot because I kept rolling back into the line of cars behind me. So I turned right, drove down the rode for a while until I found an abandoned factory parking lot and then turned right and headed home. But not before I tried to gun it in second and stalled out halfway into the turn. You know, I'm fairly sure I'm going to die pretty soon. I should start selling ticket: If You Want to See Jesus Ride In Car with Me.

This Friday I'm going to watch my co-worker's daughter perform Queen songs at her highschool choir concert. I'm really excited. But I'm not excited about working...I'm on this new preparing-for-road-travel-on-a-low-budget diet in which I sustain myself with only beef or chicken boulloin (is that how you spell it) broth in a thermos, as well as coffee...lots and lots of coffee...and Gushers. Holy crap, I'm obsessed with Gushers and other gummies. I'm a bad, vicefull person. But I know all of the lyrics to Baby Beluga and you probably don't, therefore I am better than you. Bitch. Okay, I'm done. For now.

Bicycle, Bicycle! I Want to Ride My Bicycle!

2008-05-13T16:23:00.000-07:00

At work we've been obsessively listening to Queen (or maybe I'm the only one who has been listening obsessively) because one of the ladies' daughter will be performing Bohemian Rhapsody with her school choir on Friday. I can't stop thinking of Queen songs. I've tried to listen to other music, but it does not help with matters...

Agrhh! My aunt is having a Homemaker's Meeting in our living room and there are all these strange women giggling and exchanging polite conversation while all the while probably thinking very nasty things about one another and silently competing with each other in their heads. I'm afraid to go take a shower though I desperately need one...sometimes I feel that living here is like walking on eggshells.

I'm not really sure what I intend to find in California that does not exist here or anywhere else in the world, but I know that I was much happier when I lived there so I am just assuming that if I move back I will be happy again? That sounds bad, like I'm not happy here. I'm quasi-happy, which is something. It's better than being miserable, which I've spent plenty of time being. I just wish I had a secure avenue to finish school and get into the field that I wish to work in. Unfortunately I have no way of paying for school all at once and I continuously have to drop out. It's really discouraging, especially when all of my friends are about to graduate or already have. Kind of makes me feel incompetent actually...Not that I have too much control over the situation. I was born into a particular socio-economic group in our invisible caste system and moving upward is a hard deal. To move upward one must be educated and successful. So far I am neither. Well, depending on how you define success. I just want to do as much good as possible, because I am not sure if I'll ever get another chance, or if there is anything else to look foreward to in this existance.

All I want to do is ride my bicycle, dammit!

Leave, stupid women, leave! I need to shower!

Oh well...showering is overrated, as is freedom, money and happiness.

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle...I'm just a poor boy from a poor family...

Of Narcissism and Nodules (Mr.)

2008-05-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

Speaking of narcissism, I am obsessively reading Anais Niin (am I making suggestions of the unsaid here?). Well, I mean, she does deal with narcissism in her work. So, is my car supposed to make the sound of metal grinding against metal when I go into fifth gear? Just wondering...

Ahem! Well, anyways...I watched Across the Universe again tonight. It made me wish I was back in Santa Rosa. Or that I had purpose in life. Or that I could sing like Dana Fuchs. One of those three things the movie made me feel. Or it made me wish I was on LSD, which is a more viable wish than all others. So what are you waiting for? Let's find Dr. Robert/Bono and drink the technocolored punch.

Woooooooohooooooooo!

It's much too late for me to be up and typing words of senslessness. I must awake early for work.

Driving Miss Crazy

2008-05-10T17:09:00.001-07:00

Miss Crazy being myself. So, needless to say I am in actuality driving other drivers crazy with my inability to correctly accellerate with my five-speed vehicle. I really do hope that 'practice makes perfect' because I will be practicing every day for the rest of my life until this vehicle dies. May Jesus spare you all.

In other news, now that I am a vehicle owner I know the true pain of gas prices: $50 to fill my tank, and I have a '95 sunfire, a little piddly thing that under normal non-Iraq War circumstances would probably take $20 to fill. At most. $50 is a lot of money, it's like 333.33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 packages of ramen noodles, which equals a year's supply of meals for my college-budget self. Such bullcrap, they raise tuition in order to encourage kids to join the army, hence the reason they offer so much money for 'college' aka training courses that will never transfer or be useful in anything, so you might as well get knocked up and have fifty kids and work full time and take advantage of the system. Dam, I mean, seriously. Beaver Dam.

Anyways, whatever. One day I'll be dead and none of this will matter.

Oh, and I'm moving to Sonoma County California in July. Or I'm leaving in July and taking a roadtrip out there. It will most likely be yay fun considering my ability to handle my car. I found a tent at Aldi for $20 (you know, the non-war price to fill my gas tank) and am planning on sleeping on the sides of the road and also maybe KOAs if I have the money. Mostly just wooded areas on the side of the road. I hope I don't get kidnapped and murdered before I reach Cali...But it's a possibility I've factored into my thought process. I miss Jamie!

I Want A Kite!

2008-03-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the movie Kiterunner, a movie that I have wanted to see for a few months now due to its being about Afghanistan (to a certain extent), and because I thought it would be similar to Turtles Can Fly, one of my favorite movies. Well, it really wasn't like TCF, probably because it was directed by an American (the person who directed Finding Neverland, which was very well directed). Usually American directors don't do much for me, but I think that the author of the book Kiterunner had a lot to do with the making of the movie and so it maintained a large portion of accuracy and integrity in the movie version. It was a really beautiful storyline (and the two main characters were so cute, I wish I'd had a best friend like they were when I was a kid! My friends were all big jerks though) that portrayed some of the racial/ethnic tensions between the different Afghan ethnicities. The movie, surprisingly enough, was not about the U.S./Afghan conflict, but it did have a lot to do with the Taliban. It was a story about the Soviet Russians invading Afghanistan in the seventies and the Taliban's attempts to 'restore order' afterward, but their initial extremism. The main character, Amir jan, moves to San Fransisco with his father at a young age (I also love the movie because it takes place partly in San Fran/Bay Area) but must travel back to his homeland to save the son of his childhood best friend. Okay, I won't say anything more because I don't want to be a spoiler...but I would definitely suggest this movie if you want to learn a little bit about recent Afghan history and be infused with warm-fuzzies (the movie had the best ending I've seen in a long time).

I also read a really amazing book (written by a Californianer) about Cleveland. It is called Seedfolks. Seedfolks is the story of a small courtyard dump that is transformed into a community garden, starting with one young Vietnamese girl who wants to plant bean plants to honor the father she never knew. Through this act, people from many different backgrounds are brought together in a way that they normally would never come together. One of my new favorite books.

Wow, I Exist

2008-03-01T19:49:00.000-08:00

I had forgotten that this portion of my blogspot existed. I am not used to blogspot because I never actually use it (and I have about five other online 'blogs', Livejournal and Greatestjournal being my favorites). Well, here I am...Now what am I supposed to talk about?

Well, I suppose since this is my blog I should talk about myself (that doesn't seem to be a very intriguing topic to me). First of all, today I went out 'shopping' (which for me means finding one item that costs a dollar or less, normally a book, and then sitting in the car for the rest of the day and reading while the other people I am with purchase mass quantities of unnecessary items) and I found Joan Osbourne's 'Relish' cd at Goodwill for $1. As I looooove that cd very much and feel that fate guides me to the cd's of my past whenever I am in Goodwill, I splurged and purchased it. I also purchased the book The Making of Mankind by Richard E. Leakey for $1. After that I felt guilty because I could have fed three and a half children in another country or adopted a giraffe for that money. Okay, adopting giraffes is a bit more pricey, but I'm sure there is a fund somewhere in the world in which I could have adopted some creature (an amoeba perhaps) for $2. Or a sapling. I could have donated it to the Rainforest Preservation Fund. Or Save the Whales. But I didn't. I spent it on myself. Because I am a fat, selfish, greedy American.

But I exist. And that is a good thing.

After I got back from 'shopping' my family ate dinner (I mention this because some families don't get to eat dinner every night, some families don't even technically have families, which would be like saying they didn't have themselves). Then my cousin and I sorted through boxes and boxes of the cosmetics that my family sells in our store.

Now I am online collecting photographs for my newest project: making movies in windows movie maker in order to spread awareness to others on various subjects. I have my first one up, here, watch it (that's not a request, that's a command): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCy_RA4OoXE. My computer is a big douchasaurus so it took a long time to load.

Tis all for the evening.

OMFG WTF?!

2007-12-06T19:05:00.001-08:00

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddily dee.